Sometimes, I think to myself that I could have better friends... that my friends are kind of unreliable, or just don't think of me as much as I think of them... aside from Deirg. But you know what... I was thinking, on my way to DTUT just now, that I can't really think of anyone that I can hold up and say that they are a really great friend to anyone else Most groups of friends that I know are groups really based on safety or proximity, rather than genuine esteem. People hang out with their roommates, or people that they work with, but really don't get too involved emotionally in each other's lives--at least not from what I can see. Half of the people I know can't even give a really basic description of the kind of people they hang out with, and know little about their friends but superficial details.

People are just not generally good at being there for other people. I think part of the reason is the generally low bar we hold each other up to. Like just now, I'm sitting here in DTUT--my window on the universe--as per usual, and there's this guy who generally accosts just about every halfway decent looking girl who comes in here. Yet, there he is, chatting it up with these two who just came in. In my eyes, he's borderline obnoxious... but here they are sharing their time with him. We're just so distracted by things that aren't really worth it that we shouldn't be putting our time into to be really good friends.

I dunno... I'm just feeling pretty jaded after this weekend...

So, I haven't exactly been a completely reliable Blogger. No wonder the subscription revenues are down. :
Anyway... so last weekend, I went on the Fordham Alumni Retreat. It was definately an interesting mix of people... graduates from '49 to '02. Admittedly, it was about 2/3 older people, but I didn't really care. In fact, they had a lot to offer, and just seeing all of these people there, thinking of the life history they bring with them, was touching. A few younger people came... Veronica Dagher, Veronica Escobar, and Evelyn O'Hara. I dunno... Evenlyn, by all accounts, is one of those acquaintences that life usually shakes from you after a short period of time, but she has a knack for continuously popping up--either on retreats, dating Roberto... totally random. I don't get her, but... that's not what I came here to talk about.
One person struck me in particular. So picture dinner at the retreat house on Friday night. I'm sitting there with the Veronicas, this younger priest who is leading the retreat, and this other guy. The other guy is a bit scraggley, but not too bad. He starts talking, or, rather, rambling a bit. He does know what he's talking about though--religious history and the background of the church. In fact, he's quite knowledgeable about it. Then, he drops the bomb and just comes out with the fact that he's a "homeless former drug addict." Sitting next to Dahger, he then proceeds to tell her how pretty she is--naturally beautiful, not like how most women cover themselves up will all sorts of unnecessary crap. We're all mildly spooked at this point, but for some reason, I stuck with him, long after everyone else at the table had gotten up. I listened to him, asked him questions. I put myself in his shoes. He kept saying how glad he was to be "surrounded by his peers" on this retreat. Think of it. On this retreat, he gets a clean bed, his own room, and three square meals a day. On this retreat, he's a Fordham alumni surrounded by other alumni. In the rest of his life, he's surrounded by... by dregs, really. Certainly no one else who is college educated--and a double major at that (english and economics.) This is a guy who had a drug problem in his 30's, fell out of society, and just never got back. Now 50, he probably isn't going to amount to much, but on this retreat, he feels like a member of a community--probably something he doesn't feel on a regular basis. It really struck me.
Ok, in other news, I STILL can't find anyone remotely interested in my book from a publishing point of view. All the shit that gets published on a regular basis... and here I am actually believing in what I have to write and no one wants it. And its a meaningful message, too... everytime I talk to students, send them what I have, they really seem interested in it. Its just one more reason to spite Hilary Clinton, who doesn't even write her own stuff and she gets paid millions of dollars. What kind of a message does she have? She's got nothing... she's just an empty, hollow human being, and people were lining up in droves to hear what her ghost writer has to say. And Pete Rose? I'm sure his book will sell, too. Now, don't get me wrong... he should be in the Hall. No Question. But, he's still a pretty low quality person, and I seriously doubt he has anything the least be interesting to say. Its just that these aren't the qualifications for the Hall of Fame. Anyway... so frustrating. I've tried to tap the Fordham network, too... but Fordham itself only wants "academic" works to publish, and the alumni group doesn't have the tools to get me a list of people who are actually in publishing. In fact, the list they gave me had Deirdre and Brian in it. haha... oh well. Ok, back to the rest of my life.

I'm sitting in DTUT... writing. There's a guitarist playing. Its some chick with funky Macey Gray hair. She's pretty good. Two girls are yapping away Sex in the City style next to me at the table, each with a glass of red wine. On the other side of the table is a younger couple... they can't be any more than 20. He's Asian, she looks Arabic... maybe Hispanic. He has a glass of wine and she has tea. There are two finished desert plates in front of them. They're looking intently at each other as they speak. At the counter, two middle aged men sit together in gay sweaters. They're not watching or listening to the guitarist. They're watching CNN on the TV above. The two girls japping away don't notice the guitarist either. Across the room, two men sit on the either side of a small table in high backed old chairs. I can't tell if they're together, but one of them has a sketch pad. He never looks up, so he doesn't appear to be sketching anything in the room. I think the only person in the room looking up at me at any point is the guitarist, but she has a spotlight on her, so I doubt she can even see me. I'm anonymous here.. and I can just sit and watch.

I think I realized what I'm looking for. I was driving home last night, listening to The System, which is my favorite XM station. Its "mind-altering electronica mix -- from the hardcore scene of the early 90s, to Trance anthems, Big Beat, breakbeat and down-tempos." Ok, whatever... Anyway, I was thinking about how that music makes me feel. There's something about electronica--the music itself, not the companion drugs--that make me feel outside of myself. Its as if I'm watching myself in a movie.

I don't want to watch myself in a movie anymore.

Like Jim Carrey in the Truman Show, when he's at the end of the man made ocean, at the door to the outside, I want to jump out and experience the unknown. I thought that was a great movie, and that scene, where he just hops out having no idea what the outside world is like is really meaningful. I just to see eye to eye with someone, open the door to something unknown with someone... bigger than ourselves. That's what I'm looking for. It doesn't matter what their favorite color is, how they dress, or who they've dated before me.

The problem is, most of the people I find are too scared to open the door. They'd rather play out the movie. Its scary to hop out of the dome with someone... I guess... I dunno, I find it a lot scarier not to ever know what's on the outside--not to know what could become of life.

So I'm definately overdue for a blog... especially since I had a very big week.

The week obviously kicked off with my stellar Bison debut. After that, my main focus was the ILPA (www.ilpa.info) conference, which I've been helping to put together for some time now, but I did manage to slip in a second date with Elizabeth. Since the latter is much more interesting and important to me, I'll talk about that first.

Elizabeth also works in private equity, but that's not how I met her. Admittedly, I met her on this sketchy internet thing... but, to be honest, she's anything but sketchy. She's smart, ambitious, fun, personable... very likeable. She's got a similar background... from Queens, commuted into the city for high school like I did. She's also way prettier than her picture online. In fact, I think she's quite the fox. HOWEVER, I have to be very careful here, for fear of scaring her off Colleen-style. I dunno... maybe I'm just not too easily scared, or maybe its just been so long since I felt anyone was really smitten with me, that the idea of someone falling for me right away doesn't bother me. Elizabeth, however, seems like she'd be easily overwhelmed. In fact, after our first date late last week, I flirted with disaster by overduing it with e-mails. (ok, so I sent her like three, but I e-mail like I IM... I just send whatever I'm thinking.) Since then, I've only called her to set up the 2nd date, and I've been totally laying low. We went out on Tuesday, and I just gave her a call today. I hope that wasn't too long. I also sent her a nice little handwritten note Wednesday morning.... nothing much, just a very short "enjoyed your company" kind of thing.

Anyway, I'm just having trouble figuring this whole thing out. So its only been two dates w/o much talking in between, but that's kind of the point. Like, why shouldn't I expect that someone would be excited about me? Like, after I saw her last time, I wanted to say, "Can't wait to see you again..." because I really couldn't and I didn't want the date to end. Yet, I'm sure that probably would have freaked her out. What are we all scared of? Shouldn't we all expect to be smitten-worthy? Sigh... I'm a nice guy... and I try hard to be a nice guy...but you're not supposed to try hard. In fact, it seems like the most successful guys don't try at all. They barely maintain civility. What passes for worthwhile dating ettiquette is beyond me. Like, the other day, Deirg went out to a bar and some guy was talking to her. At the end of the night, he invited her home. She was annoyed, but to be honest, a lot of girls probably would have went home with him. Corey is doing something similar. She's got a great guy that is absolutely sweet to her, yet when this fireman that is only looking for a late night booty call, it piques her interest. The whole world is just fekked up. Anyway... I called Elizabeth today to ask her how she was feeling... I hope she calls me back tonight. I'd love to have a nice phone chat. Too bad she doesn't have a blog... this way, I'd know what she was thinking and whether or not I am setting myself up to be disappointed.

Anyway... its foggy out tonight... I love fog.

Oh... and another thing... I had dinner with Liz Werner last Sunday. Yeah... right... blast from the past. She was away in Japan for two years... pretty much since right after graduation, and before that, we weren't talking too much after we broke up. Therefore, its been a good three and a half years since we've talked. And yet, it was as if it was all back to normal... back to the way we were in sophmore and junior year... like we were at Lincoln Center... eating. It was standard fare for us and it just felt really nice. Hopefully, we'll hang out again soon.

Ok, so the conference. Well, a little background.... ILPA is an organization of groups like mine that invest in private equity funds. Back in October, I went to the conference when it was held in LA. The Executive Director of the group asked me if GM would "help co-host"... two words when taken together seem to imply not nearly as much work as I wound up doing for it. However, all that work seems now worth it. The conference went off great, and I really got a lot of great exposure at it. I have a few buddies in the group now that I've seen several times and that I stay in touch with. There are a few guys that work for CALPERS that are pretty cool, a great girl from Cleaveland who is all business and never really gives me the slightest bit of vibe.  (UPDATE... Turns out she's engaged.)  There's this really cool lady who works for a family office on the west coast. She's very interesting and we chat a lot about venture... but she's also going to hook me up with this girl who just graduated from Stanford. She'd be a really interesting person for me to talk to. Anyway... it really is a great bunch of people in this asset class. Plus, I met this guy at a Swedish pension fund who would be a great candidate for one of our fund of funds products. Charles (my boss) was pretty impressed that I came back with a potential client.

Isn't about time people started realizing that I'm not your average bear. :)

Went to the Young Alumni event at SHOW last night...

First off, listening to McShane talk is worth the price of admission. He said that he wants Fordham to become the preminent Catholic educational institution in this country. And why the hell shouldn't it be? Why not strive for the highest goal possible, because even if you miss your target, you still wind up in a great place.

Also, its amazing how, after you bash people on Blog, they're suddenly and randomly nice to you. It almost as if they're reading your posts. Maybe its just that comments like that turn the mirror on someone, and they realize they haven't been acting like the people they want to be. That would be sincere and totally acceptable. The cynic in me wonders whether or not people just don't like to be perceived negatively... and will make nice regardless of how they really feel about you. Eh, well... doesn't matter I suppose. At the end of the day, sincere or not, I'd rather have people just be nice to me. Its not like it would kill them.

I don't really post a lot of current events stuff on my Blog. Its mostly thoughts, musings, etc... so while, if you were reading it, maybe you'd understand more about me, its not like you'd feel like you were my friend or anything. You wouldn't really know anything about my life in detail. Kristin's blog, however, gives you such a detailed account, sometimes you do probably feel like a better friend to her than you really are. Without thinking of it, I asked her how her ankle was. I didn't know anything about her ankle, other than from reading her Blog. That's kind of weird, no? I mean... we're not really friends, but I know a lot about her. I dunno.... its sort of sketchy.

Just got a call from Nelson from the Brooklyn Bisons.... that other team that I mentioned the other day. This guy has two teams, an A and a B squad... and he's definately looking for more guys. Sounds like he needs people... now I'm excited again.

Tonight was a major setback for the Charlie O'Donnell Baseball Comeback trail....

So it turns out that this baseball team I found out about is like a team of allstars. This guy scouts all over for players, and replaces like half his team every year. We went to the batting cages tonight, and we went to the 90mph one. I think I fouled off four pitches, through no fault of my own.

Before we went, there was a high school kid there with his dad. The kid was getting all pissed when he didn't hit it... but for the most part, he was hitting a ton. He hardly seemed like he was having any fun at all. From the time I was 13 till I was 20, for six seasons, I had the time of my life. I played before that, but I was never any good. I played on teams where the coaches never made me feel like I could succeed. Then, one day, I had a practice with a team that was awful. I got a fluke hit at the end of batting practice and at the first game, I found myself hitting 2nd. I had never hit that high in my life, and for the first time, I felt like I could really hit the ball. And I did.... all season, for six seasons straight. And I had fun with it... I played all over the field... caught, played third, first. I played my butt off. It never came easy to me.

The last few games we played were special. I caught Brian three times, and they were probably the best three games he ever pitched in his life. I think I went like 8 for my last 10 at the plate. That was a hard way to go out, because I felt like I had more to give. I felt like, had I been coached better, given a chance earlier, I might have turned out a lot better.

Now, I watched all these kids with ridiculous natural talent put on a clinic. Baseball is something I've never been able to put away. I think that's a hard thing for a guy who grew up playing. Its part of your life, but it has a limit to it, because you can't play it forever. When I'm a dad, I'm going to give my kid the best shot possible of being really good.... I won't push... but, I never want him to feel like I did tonight. Especially the way I am, where I always think I can do something to fix a problem, its so hard to go up there, give all you've got, and come up with a big zero. Its a really empty feeling. I really wanted to be good tonight.

Inspired by blog queen KN, my Top Ten People at Fordham While I was There Excluding People I Lived With List (In No Particular Order)...

Joe McShane, SJ (former Dean of FCRH, current President)- So technically, he was there at FU when I was there, because in my freshmen year, he was the Dean of FCRH. That was before they shipped him out to the St. Joe's basketball team to recruit some new young point guards. Hopefully, he'll have similar success here. Seriously, though, this guy is the man for the job... probably the biggest thinker the university has ever seen, I'm confident he'll restore a lot of the greatness the school used to have. Plus, he offered to set me up with someone, too, so I can't knock him for that.

Gerry Blaszczak, SJ (Chaplain)- Two out of the three best speeches I've ever heard in my life have come from this guy, and I don't even remember what the third one was. He epitomizes the challenge yourself nature of what a Jesuit education is supposed to be.

Morris the Guard (Former Security Guard)- Morris used to be in Hughes in my sophomore year, then they moved him to Martyrs when I was a junior. Happiest guard on the planet. You'd walk in and all you'd hear for 10 minutes straight was, "I gotchoo Charlie, I gotchoo... we cool, we cool. Arrrright. We cool. I gotchoo." Plus, he used to hold the sign in sheet completely sideways and would write up and down on the page... I always found that fascinating.

Liz Valleau (Former RA)- She's gotta make my list, because she's probably been the most influential peer I've ever had--and I'm not one who is easily influenced. She opened me up to the idea of accepting other people who behaved differently than you if you expected them to be accepting of yourself. Plus, well... you know.. she's hot.

Steve Strong (former President of PSJ) - If half the rumored curseout of Jeff Gray is true, he makes the list. Ok, I wasn't one for being anti the Fordham administration, but I have to respect him for putting himself on the line for speaking what he believes. Plus, as liberal as he was, he said to me once, "I'm glad there's a you and I'm glad there's a me. The truth lies somewhere in the middle and you need extreme people on both sides to fish it out." Along the lines of Valleau, anyone who realizes they have to embrace those who disagree with them in order to have others respect there opinion goes a long way in my book.

MaryAnn Betsch (former CBA Business Journal editor, BAP officer, CBA '01 Salutatorian) - MaryAnn helped me out big time with the CBA paper as a sophomore, and then returned from study abroad to lead a retreat for business students with me, making her a part of two activities which were really meaningful to me. She's just a quality person... that's all I can say. Her Salutatorian speech was way better than the Valedictorian's speech.

Brendan O'Connell (Founder, the 6th Man Club) - I never lived with him, so he qualifies. Brenden is the outlier on the chart that correlates humor to size, throwing the curve off of all the funny fat guys. I think the only public crying I've ever done in my life is at his remarks to opposing players at Rams bball games... friggin hysterical.

Nancy MCarthy (CBA Senior Dean)- For almost the full four years, I was in that woman's office almost everyday--running ridiculous ideas off of her, asking for stuff, and she was always supportive. I still call her now for advice, and to let her know what ridiculous stuff I've gotten myself into. In a way, she's inspired part of what makes me want to work at a university--the idea that you don't have to be political, or a university bureaucrat.. that you can just care about students and be great at your job.

the paper Staff - In freshmen year, I posted the back page of the paper, with their Top Ten list regarding the new sign in policy. From the Wylde Bitch to Former Scrub of the Week, the paper was a constant breath of fresh air from the stale alternative. Each week, you couldn't believe they wrote what they wrote, and just waited for someone to shut them down. That's what a campus paper should be like.

Anton Dengler (Nicest guy in the world.) No, seriously, he is. One time, in freshmen year, he came up to our table in the caf and asked if we mind him sitting down. I said, "Yeah, we mind." I was totally kidding, yet, without hesitation he just said, "Oh, ok, I'll just sit over here then." We were like, "Nononono, come back!" Funny shit. Then, another time, I went to go talk to his roommate about possibly rooming together. I knock on their door. Anton welcomes me in, offers me chips, dip and soda. Offers me a seat. I'm sitting there munching away... he's asking me how I'm doing, and I totally forget why I'm even in there in the first place. He didn't even care. Now that's hospitality.

Sex and friendship.... Its just not easy stuff to deal with. So often, the reasons we find ourselves attracted to someone are the same reasons we want to keep them in our lives as friends. It has been debated endlessly whether or not the two can co-exist. More and more, it seems as if more of one overshadows the other. I heard someone ask a question which the answer was, "If you know you are not looking to build a relationship with someone, you shouldn't be hooking up with someone." Seems kind of idealistic, doesn't it? I think a lot less people would get hurt that way, though... and maybe its the right way to go.
When I asked Liz to go to dinner, she hesitated, because she had a boyfriend. Deirg specifically gave me orders that I could never date any of her friends, concievably for as long as I live. Grace tried to set me up with a friend of hers, but the friend didn't want anything b/c Grace and I had hooked up in the past. It all works rather strangely... Relationships, friendships, sex... its all rather complicated, and it hurts a lot of people. Maybe if we call just acknowledged that we're all well intentioned, but we're all just trying to figure out what we want for ourselves, so be patient with each other, things would turn out a lot better.

So every morning I wake up to Z100.... not because I like Z100, but because I only listen to the radio for like half a millisecond before I shut it off, so it doesn't matter. However, a few times, I've gotten caught up in this whole "phone tap" thing where they call people up and tell them that they're the IRS or that someone saw them cheating on their girlfriend, or whatever. I gotta say... I find no humor in this whatsoever. They put people through absolute hell for a quick laugh. Its like the phone equilivent of walking up to someone on the street and kicking them in the crotch. I really hope one day they tap a postal worker and the guy comes down and well... you know... goes postal.

Its President's Day. You know what I had never realized before?

How great a pornstar name is Franklin Pierce?

Its gold, Jerry. Gold!

There's something about going away that really puts your life into perspective. Whether its a trip across the country, a few hour roadtrip, or a spiritual retreat, taking a step away really does make a lot of things clear. While I'm a big advocate of solving your issues from the inside, as oppossed to running away from them and stepping away, I still think you need some time to reset to make things clear.
When I was dating Vanessa, I used to love to dance with her. The one thing I have to say about her, she was totally accepting of someone's individuality, no matter how they chose to express themselves. I felt that the most when we danced. I loved dancing with her more than anyone else, because I could do anything... totally act out, be ridiculous, and she never had an issue with it. I could just express whatever I was feeling. I got used to that feeling. When I dated Liz the actress, we went out to Culture Club... er... not CC... the other one... the 70's place. I can't think of the name. We were dancing, and she kept unbuttoning the second button on my shirt. I had a tshirit on under, so it didn't matter... but it just wasn't how I wanted it. I kept fixing it, but she was insistant. That little button incident really really struck a chord, because she wanted it a certain way without regard to what I was feeling. I know it seems silly, but I felt like, in a small way, she was trying to change me.
I think it was at that moment that I realized how important a value I placed on having my individuality appreciated. Its something we all deserve, but we really get it from so few people. A lot of people dont' even take the time to get to know us as well as they should, let alone value us for what makes us different.
When I find someone, I'm not going to care whether or not they like the color orange, or wear weird shoes... but one thing is for sure... we're going to take the time to know who we are and appreciate each other for that. I don't want to feel like I'm being fit into some ideal perception of a boyfriend or anything like that.

"They professed to love him for some unknown reason and they ignored all the things for which he could hope to be loved for." -- Atlas Shrugged

On a completely different note, my song of the moment is "I'm your Boogeyman by Rob Zombie." In fact, I think that all cheesy 70's disco should be covered by Rob Zombie. I could listen to disco if Rob Zombie covered it.

I haven't done a lot of stuff lately that has caused much interesting brainwork on my end. For the last few weeks, I've just been way too wrapped up in activities... less rec time then I would like. Work is ridiculously busy... between the move, hosting this conference, and all these random meeting presentations to work on, its a little out of hand. What bothers me is that not everyone pitches in evenly. I'm learning a lot of lessons in managing a group from working here. Every day, I get more enthralled with the idea of running a career planning group at a college. There's something about the potential of a small group with a big opportunity set that makes for interesting possibilities. When the scope of your goals is very wide and ambiguous, and you have a small number of people to work with, I think it makes the managers job very interesting. Investment groups are like that, from what I can tell... college alumni and career departments... I don't know about marketing groups. It seems like their scope is too narrow. I think it would be interesting to feel out what other types of organizations fit this profile. You know, when I did the newspaper at Fordham, that was similar, now that I think of it. Flexible mandate with a small group. Ironically enough, GM is the complete opposite of it... at least on the car side. Hundreds of thousands of people doing one thing... making cars. What a bore it must be at the top. Poor Rick Wagoner.

I was cleaning out some old files, and I have this saved conversation from me and Brian... I don't know if its funny to anyone that didn't go to Our Lady of Guadalupe, but its funny to us...

Cuth23: jeanine giordano just IMed me ... I'm having flashbacks.
Cuth23: It's like an OLG reunion
Ceo21: jeezus christ
Ceo21: How'd she get your IM?
Cuth23: jeannine
Cuth23: samartano
Ceo21: The other Janine is Janine I think.
Ceo21: Janine used to have a cousin named Darlene, no?
Cuth23: Janine Giordano
Cuth23: 73rd jeannine
Ceo21: yeah
Ceo21: no
Cuth23: is two n's
Cuth23: i'm right
Cuth23: trust me
Ceo21: yeah
Ceo21: no no, I meant...
Ceo21: Giordano is Janine
Ceo21: that was my point
Cuth23: yup
Cuth23: oh, you are correct
Ceo21: : jeanine giordano just IMed m
Ceo21: ok
Ceo21: Anyway...
Ceo21: is she on now?
Ceo21: Ask her if she had a cousin Darlene that went to OLG... I wanna see how good my memory is.
Cuth23: are you thinking of margaret giordano
Ceo21: no no
Ceo21: I know who margaret is
Ceo21: Darlene is someone's cousin
Ceo21: I think its Janine.
Ceo21: ask her
Ceo21: I don't think I invented the girl.
Cuth23: and she went to olg
Cuth23: that 3 pound sandwhich doin wonders with your memory ain't it
Ceo21: hold on a sec
Ceo21: so what's the verdict on the cousin?
Cuth23: oops
Ceo21: You never asked.
Cuth23: haha, i started talkin to her about other shit and forgot
Cuth23: haha
Ceo21: I'm sure its her
Cuth23: Wait.
Cuth23: The shortish girl
Cuth23: little chunk
Cuth23: dirty blonde hair
Cuth23: or something like that
Ceo21: no no
Ceo21: dark hair
Ceo21: skinny
Cuth23: oh
Cuth23: apparently that's not her then
Ceo21: straight shoulder length hair
Ceo21: Who's not who?
Cuth23: The girl I was thinking
Cuth23: is not her
Cuth23: i was thinking doreen giuga
Cuth23: remember her?
Cuth23: jesus christ
Cuth23: i can't believe i remembered her last name
Ceo21: Yeah.. of course I remember doreen
Cuth23: doreen guiga
Cuth23: i'm so impressed with myself for that one
Ceo21: You remember that game we used to play with Hops...
Ceo21: the list game
Ceo21: where you go back and forth naming people in a catagory
Ceo21: and if you can't name one, you're out
Cuth23: oh christ
Cuth23: yeah
Cuth23: what's the category
Ceo21: Catagory: People we went to school with from Kingergarten to 5th Grade
Cuth23: Elizabeth Bova
Ceo21: holy shit
Ceo21: no, see
Cuth23: Woooooooooooooooo
Ceo21: you gotta save those
Ceo21: you keep the hard ones to yourself until you need it
Cuth23: LIke Clubber Lang said to Rocky
Cuth23: "I gotta lotta more, boy, got a lotta more"
Ceo21: Rosemarie Liuzzo
Cuth23: Sal Auteri
Ceo21: Vinny Cigna
Cuth23: Paul Tulipan
Cuth23: pano
Ceo21: Kennith Tong
Cuth23: Michael Tam
Ceo21: Hen-wing Yu
Cuth23: Joey Sobanko
Ceo21: Allison McGowen
Cuth23: Awww
Cuth23: Maria Ribaudo
Cuth23: brb
Ceo21: James Mallon
Ceo21: k
Ceo21: I'll save these
Ceo21: we should do e-mails and forward them
Ceo21: so we don't lose track
Cuth23: Paul Mazzone
Ceo21: Sara Guariglia
Cuth23: Melisa Kipp
Cuth23: Yeah bitch.
Ceo21: Julia Iraci
Cuth23: Those two were like a pair
Cuth23: Squadrito
Ceo21: Valenti
Cuth23: Dawn
Ceo21: Debbie Fraulo
Cuth23: Susan "I became beyond hot the day we were confirmed" Coca
Ceo21: Christina Paino
Cuth23: Tommy Lanza
Ceo21: Kristin Thimpson... put that in your pipe and smoke it
Cuth23: :-)
Cuth23: Wow ... I have a face with that name though
Cuth23: Good one.
Cuth23: Anthony Mignone
Ceo21: Dominic Lombardi
Cuth23: Mike Serrano
Ceo21: Steven Dispenza
Cuth23: Jeannine S.
Ceo21: Rosalia DiMaggio
Cuth23: Maria Manino
Ceo21: obviously
Ceo21: Regina O'Conner
Cuth23: joey fazio
Ceo21: Janine Giordano
Cuth23: TONI
Cuth23: ANN
Cuth23: LOM
Cuth23: BOM
Cuth23: BARDA
Ceo21: Margaret Giordano
Cuth23: Oh cadillac girl
Cuth23: MaryEllen Iacoviello
Ceo21: Rosemarie Rotunda
Cuth23: i can't get a face for her
Cuth23: nicole bian rosa
Ceo21: Doesn't matter.. she exists
Ceo21: short hair
Cuth23: briwn
Cuth23: choppy
Ceo21: yeah
Ceo21: Angela Ruffo
Cuth23: gotcha
Cuth23: Who was the idiot girl she used to hang out with
Cuth23: Ugh
Cuth23: Well, Tabitha Pagan is next anyway
Ceo21: MaryAnne Lentini
Ceo21: that's who you're looking for
Cuth23: That's the one, yup. Thomas Rispoli
Cuth23: So weird how one name triggers a whole bunch of other names
Ceo21: AnnaLisa Bavaro
Cuth23: Dave Fuschetto
Ceo21: Kerri Gonzalez
Ceo21: 3rd grade ... one year
Cuth23: who?
Ceo21: curly hair
Cuth23: your class?
Cuth23: alright bitch
Cuth23: christopher dundero
Ceo21: Christopher Quiznell
Cuth23: nice.
Cuth23: sal montemarano
Ceo21: Melissa Racinia
Cuth23: god dammit
i didn't think you'd get that one
Ceo21: you were saving it
Ceo21: I knew you were
Cuth23: I liked that girl
Ceo21: I know you did.... she was quality
Cuth23: Lori Ann Campolo
Ceo21: ick
Cuth23: giddy up
Cuth23: get on that and win a prize
Ceo21: Anthony Fusco
Cuth23: christ, i should have gotten that one
Cuth23: christina triolo
Cuth23: surprised you didn't say her yet
Cuth23: getting down to very few here
Ceo21: I know I know
Ceo21: Deserae Norris
Ceo21: 5th grade... Miss Brown's class
Ceo21: my dad did her dad's tax return
Cuth23: i thought she was 6th grade, wasn't sure. obviously not.
Cuth23: nice.
Ceo21: hmm
Ceo21: you know...
Cuth23: elizabeth nasso
Ceo21: she might be
Ceo21: I might have to take that one back
Ceo21: no no
Cuth23: you owe me TWO

Ceo21: wait....no
Ceo21: jeez
Cuth23: haha
Ceo21: 2
Cuth23: COUNT 'EM
Ceo21: I may be done...hold on I gotta think
Cuth23: I've got one more in the think tank
Ceo21: shit
Ceo21: I know I don't have 3
Ceo21: lemme try, though
Ceo21: Angelo
Cuth23: Wow, nice.
Ceo21: that's one
Ceo21: yeah
Ceo21: I may be out
Ceo21: I'm out... I don't have 2
Ceo21: who is your other one
Cuth23: I have two now
Cuth23: Remember Little Frank
Ceo21: yeah... I'm done
Cuth23: blonde hair
Ceo21: shit
Cuth23: real tiny
Ceo21: yeah
Cuth23: Tara Modaferri
Ceo21: I went to his bday party at McDonalds
Cuth23: haha
Cuth23: i was there
Ceo21: oh... can't believe I missed that one
Cuth23: and henry yu
Cuth23: couldn't join us
Ceo21: Hen Wing
Cuth23: cause his mother wouldn't let him
Ceo21: haha
Cuth23: he was there by chance and everything
Cuth23: i remember the quote, "My mother says I can't join your birthday party"
Ceo21: I gotta get going... this has been a quality waste of time
Cuth23: I dunno if we're missing anyone
Cuth23: hahaha
Ceo21: we are, no doubt
Cuth23: it has indeed

This is ridiculously amusing... Jeff the Intern told me about it.

http://www.inmusicwetrust.com/articles/images/63/ass_pennies.mp3

Also... we've now hit the low point of Fordham basketball as far as I'm concerned. We lose even when we cheat....

"A long season at Fordham just got a little longer - and a whole lot stranger.
Coach Dereck Whittenburg suspended director of basketball operations Alex Groothuis for two games amid allegations that a team manager used a walkie-talkie to relay plays during the Rams' game with Xavier on Saturday.
According to a story in the Cincinnati Enquirer, a Xavier team manager witnessed a Fordham manager, who was sitting opposite the Rams bench, talking on a walkie-talkie during the first half of the Rams' game with the Musketeers at the Cintas Center. When told by the Xavier manager that NCAA rules forbid any such electronic communication during a game, the Fordham manager returned to the Rams bench before halftime.
Xavier notified game officials of Fordham's alleged misconduct at halftime but they saw no evidence of it the rest of the game. If a referee were to witness a team using an electronic device during a game, it would result in a technical foul. No technical fouls were levied against Fordham.
Like many programs, Xavier's coaching staff uses small erasable boards to call out plays or offensive sets during the game. If Fordham had staff members relaying the plays to its bench, in theory the Rams could have known what play was coming and been able to better defend it.
Xavier, however, won the game, 74-52, as Fordham's record dropped to 4-15 overall and 1-7 in the Atlantic 10's Eastern Conference."

Alright... enough of that. Nothing else interesting at the moment... Lunchtime soon. I've traded in my trademark sandwiches for salads now. In the GM cafeteria, you pay by the pound for your sandwich... $4 per lb. Most people weigh in at like $3. I, of course, routinely weigh in at $4.50 and above... and set the record, which still stands, at $5.38. The key to a record sandwich... big pieces of bread... not for weight, but for stability--to hold all the stuff you have inside. Two large chicken breasts. 3 slices of cheddar. Tomatoes, onions, carrots, mushrooms peppercini, and maybe a pickle or two. mmmm... Now I'm on this salad kick... most of the same ingredients, except for the bread. I'm starving. :)

I've been thinking of creating a website around my book, if and when it gets published. I have six proposals out at literary agencies right now... haven't heard back from anyone yet. I think if I put together a website, and start to create some kind of a brand around what I'm doing, it will make getting speaking engagements easier. Maybe it can be something I possibly leverage into an educational consulting position. I think I have a message that really has some legs... I should write more about it later.

Is this not the best thing you ever heard of? 72 years...

Coney ride has lasted 72 years

By RALPH R. ORTEGA
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Alice and Joe Vandernoot, honored at St. Patrick's yesterday.

Joe Vandernoot stole the heart of his Alice with an outstretched hand nearly 80 years ago - and they have been together ever since.

The couple, who celebrated their 72nd wedding anniversary Friday, met as Joe helped Alice off a ride at Coney Island when her boyfriend looked away for a moment.

"I grabbed her hand to help her, and I never let go," said Vandernoot.

The silver-haired great-grandparents from Larchmont were honored at St. Patrick's Cathedral yesterday as one of New York's longest-married couples.

Edward Cardinal Egan greeted Joe, 95, and Alice, 94, in the middle of Mass, and hundreds of parishioners applauded.

The Vandernoots grew up together in Westchester Square in the Bronx and started dating after Joe showed his chivalrous side at Coney Island.

They married a few years later and had seven children, 22 grandchildren and 15 great-grandchildren.

For years, the retired Wall Street bond trader has treated her to the same plastic rose on Valentine's Day - and plans to stick to the same routine next week.

The couple says faith is the glue that has kept their marriage strong.

"I call her Darling," Joe said.

"I call him Joe," Alice responded.

I'm really jealous of Kristin Nazario's blog... it has all sorts of stuff on it... pictures, links. Mine sucks. My blog is to hers like my mom's blue 2-door, 114-HP '83 Volvo with the back windows that didn't roll down, just vent out (the family car when I was growing up) is to my new black 260 HP 2004 Grand Prix GTP. I love that car. :) I got it washed over the weekend... its all shiny and new.

Monday morning... Again, I have lots of looming stuff to do. I'm not a fan of the looming tasks.. stuff you know you need to do in the next two weeks, but nothing you can do in the immediate moment. Ah well... I took my grandmothers to dinner yesterday for their 86th birthday. Their birthdays are within a week of each other. Funny, I input my information on deathclock.com... and it turns out I die a couple of weeks before my 86th birthday. I think the date was July 11th, 2065. I put it in my Palm Pilot so I knew it was coming. (How bizzare will that be if I manage to keep an unbroken chain of electronic calendars? I'll wake up that morning, at it tells me that, at 9AM, I have a meeting with God.) I wrote a note to a friend a few weeks ago about that....

The online death clock says I'll live until July 11, 2065. That's a Saturday... I kinda figured I'd die on a Saturday. That's not bad... almost made it to 86. I'll probably be still working then... like part time at the Fordham career office or something. Somewhere I can e-mail a lot and go for walks around campus. I'll have a lot of people to e-mail, because I'll probably be working with students by then for almost 50 years. Can you imagine that? Summer in New York in 2065... I wonder if I'll go to a baseball game that summer. Probably. By that time, the Mets new stadium will probably be old by then. Will you still be alive? Will we still stay in touch? Where will you be? I'll bet you they'll muss up your hair when you're dead. You have such great hair, but the curls are just naturally cool and flow with your personality.. I don't think they'll do 'em right. Don't have to worry about that with me... I'm getting cremated and I'm not having a wake... just some kind of party or something. Besides, I'm sure I'll be bald by then.... and I'm def going to keep my ear hair trimmed.

Its one thing to find yourself in a place where you don't really know anyone.  Its another to find yourself in a place where you difinitively dislike a good number of the people around you. 

When I walked out the door tonight, I felt good...  Tony Robbins good.  It was close to 40, and this winter, that's borderline shorts weather.  Things got very cold the moment I walked into the bar party I went to tonight--when my high school girlfriend takes one look at me and turns her back to me to talk to someone else, as I say hello the girl she was just talking to.  Just say hello and smile...   is that too hard to ask for two years of my life?  I never did anything to her to warrent that kind of treatment, and while she may be uncomfortable around me, I can't imagine its more uncomfortable than purposely avoiding someone.  I mean, seriously... how old are we?  Get over it.  I thought maybe I could buy her a drink, to bury the hatchet once and for all.  How silly do I feel now to think that was even a remote possibility.

It turned out to be foreshadowing for the whole night.  This is a group that acknowledges your presence only out of necessity.  I felt like going around to all of these people and reminding them of whatever connected me to them in the first place, and reiterating what should be the normal rules of human being operating behavior.

"Hey, by the way...  do you remember bumping into me in the park when we were both running?  I seem to recall discovering that we worked only a few blocks from each other and exchanging e-mail addresses.  I e-mailed you and asked you if you wanted to do lunch... you never responded.  Would it have killed you to go to lunch?"

"And you...  weren't we in the business student mentoring program together that summer...  the three representatives from our school?  I also seem to remember making dinner for you once to catch up.  Now, you don't even make eye contact."

"And you... you live on my damn street!  YOU came up to ME in the laundrymat once... we talked.  Then, one day you decided that saying hello when you saw me coming back from the gym in the morning was too much effort.  WTF is that?"

"And you...  You're not really in this group, and I don't mind you being here anyway, b/c you're pretty hot and its cool to see you with another chick, but I bought you a slice of pizza in Pugsley's the first time I ever met you and to this day, I feel like I have to reintroduce myself to you everytime I see you.  I think I want that buck fifty back."

Sometimes I wonder if its me and my perspective... that if there's something systematic about the way I've encountered them that makes them seem superficial.  Are they superficial to each other?  Countrast that with Sue Yoo's friends, who are wonderful everytime I meet them.  It doesn't matter if they're new people or not, but they're just so willing to share their good time with the people around them... its a pleasurable experience.  Tonight was far from pleasurable. 

Deirg and I almost got into another argument... this time about some kid cutting into our conversation, and her just leaving me out to dry and letting it happen.  She didn't want to start an argument between us and just left well enough alone...  and this point is sort of at the core of why we fight...  I've never met anyone who handles things so differently than I do.  I can't sit by and let anything go idling by... maybe to my own detriment.  Who knows?  Point is... there are times I'd like to be stood up for that I don't feel like I get from her. There many amzing things she's done for me everyday that we've been friends... but active verbal support... I dunno.. maybe I have outsized expectations.   Still, she's my best friend and I'll always love her.

I don't think there were any lessons learned here...  tonight just sucked.

PS...   Big ups to Linds...    the girl who never gets dressed up looked like a fox tonight.  wooooooo   ;)