Its one thing to find yourself in a place where you don't really know anyone. Its another to find yourself in a place where you difinitively dislike a good number of the people around you.
When I walked out the door tonight, I felt good... Tony Robbins good. It was close to 40, and this winter, that's borderline shorts weather. Things got very cold the moment I walked into the bar party I went to tonight--when my high school girlfriend takes one look at me and turns her back to me to talk to someone else, as I say hello the girl she was just talking to. Just say hello and smile... is that too hard to ask for two years of my life? I never did anything to her to warrent that kind of treatment, and while she may be uncomfortable around me, I can't imagine its more uncomfortable than purposely avoiding someone. I mean, seriously... how old are we? Get over it. I thought maybe I could buy her a drink, to bury the hatchet once and for all. How silly do I feel now to think that was even a remote possibility.
It turned out to be foreshadowing for the whole night. This is a group that acknowledges your presence only out of necessity. I felt like going around to all of these people and reminding them of whatever connected me to them in the first place, and reiterating what should be the normal rules of human being operating behavior.
"Hey, by the way... do you remember bumping into me in the park when we were both running? I seem to recall discovering that we worked only a few blocks from each other and exchanging e-mail addresses. I e-mailed you and asked you if you wanted to do lunch... you never responded. Would it have killed you to go to lunch?"
"And you... weren't we in the business student mentoring program together that summer... the three representatives from our school? I also seem to remember making dinner for you once to catch up. Now, you don't even make eye contact."
"And you... you live on my damn street! YOU came up to ME in the laundrymat once... we talked. Then, one day you decided that saying hello when you saw me coming back from the gym in the morning was too much effort. WTF is that?"
"And you... You're not really in this group, and I don't mind you being here anyway, but I bought you a slice of pizza in Pugsley's the first time I ever met you and to this day, I feel like I have to reintroduce myself to you every time I see you. I think I want that buck fifty back."
Sometimes I wonder if its me and my perspective... that if there's something systematic about the way I've encountered them that makes them seem superficial. Are they superficial to each other? Countrast that with Sue Yoo's friends, who are wonderful everytime I meet them. It doesn't matter if they're new people or not, but they're just so willing to share their good time with the people around them... its a pleasurable experience. Tonight was far from pleasurable.
Deirg and I almost got into another argument... this time about some kid cutting into our conversation, and her just leaving me out to dry and letting it happen. She didn't want to start an argument between us and just left well enough alone... and this point is sort of at the core of why we fight... I've never met anyone who handles things so differently than I do. I can't sit by and let anything go idling by... maybe to my own detriment. Who knows? Point is... there are times I'd like to be stood up for that I don't feel like I get from her. There many amzing things she's done for me everyday that we've been friends... but active verbal support... I dunno.. maybe I have outsized expectations. Still, she's my best friend and I'll always love her.
I don't think there were any lessons learned here... tonight just sucked.