So the foreign girl at the counter at DTUT has a boyfriend...   some greasy looking guy... sort of takes something out of our little exchanges when I get my green tea.  Oh well.

So I've had a really great Memorial Day Weekend so far.  Friday night was a long overdue cleaning of my apartment.  I threw out five big garbage bags of...  just random crap.  I seriously have issues about holding on to stuff.  When I moved out of Fordham, my desk alone produced about three for four garbage bags of stuff, which is difficult to comprehend given the mass of the desk and the known and accepted laws of phyisics.

On Saturday, I was back at the Boathouse.  The water was choppy and the wind was whipping up pretty good, but a handful of brave souls still came to kayak.  One girl took a nice flop into the water by the dock, and I pulled her out by her lifejacket like I was one of those shipping cargo cranes... up, over, and down.  Mary came down...  I don't think I mentioned Mary and Andy.   Mary is this english woman who came down last weekend for the first time.  We started talking and it turns out she works for a publishing company.  She's going to take a look at my book and everything... how do you like that for dumb luck.  Kayaking:  fun AND productive.  Anyway... she gave me her e-mail address and number.  Then, later on, another woman comes down and tells me her friend just called her and told her how much fun she had, so she had to go.  It turns out that it was Mary, and so this girl Andy and I started chatting it up.  She was incredibly cool, and after she kayaked, she actually hung out to volunteer almost the whole day.  I think she's be a lot of fun to hang out with, but I'll wait until Mary looks at my book before I make any move that might be perceived as sketchy.  You never know and can't be too careful.

Anyway, from kayaking, I went to the Big East Baseball Finals in Bridgewater, NJ.  Brian and Rich met me at the entrance to the Holland Tunnel, and I drove out to Jersey.  They had the game in an Atlantic League ballpark, which is one of those Independent minor league teams.  I'll tell you.. it was such an enjoyable experience--$8 tickets, $2 for parking.  I'd easily go back again.  Brian's brother Jimmy was there with his wife.  I swear, Jimmy makes me laugh more than any other person I've ever met.  Something about the dryness and deadpan delivery I just find endlessly amusing.  His wife asks him where the bathrooms are... and its a dinky little stadium where everything is like two feet away, and he goes, "Its on the Concourse Level."   Hysterical.

Anyway, after the game, I hung out with Anna...   everyone else pretty much left for the weekend, so Anna and I were left to chill Saturday night and Sunday.  Saturday night we... painted.  It was bizzare.   She doesn't have any brushes or canvas, so she just paints on cardboard.  She can be so weird sometimes, but I guess it was cool.  We had nice conversation and it was just good company.  I left and came back the next morning for a random roadtrip.  We just decided we were going to go on a driving adventure, and somehow, that turned out to be a search for my grandmother's old country house in Greenwood Lake.  I drove up 17, and somehow I found it.  It was really strange being up there, because everything seemed so much smaller than I remember it--meaning I was obviously pretty small the last time I was up there.  Two different people had occupied the house since we sold it about ten years ago, but it was kept up very well.  When I got up there, I called my grandmother to tell her were I was and she got a little choked up.  Still, she was really glad to hear that the house had been kept in such good condition.

What was really disappointing, though, was when we walked down to the beach on the lake.  There was this little pier that they built about 20 years ago when I was younger and they put in sand behind it.  It was small but cute.  As we walked down the stairs to get there, it was obvious that they hadn't been kept up, but I wasn't prepared for how bad the beach was.  It was in total disrepair, like it hadn't been touched in that long.  The deck and pier is collapsing into the water, and all the sand is gone, with weeds overgrowing the concrete.  It was really sad to see...   makes me wonder what happened.  The raft we used to swim out to was gone, and it looked like part of it was sunken on the far side of the deck.  Anna took some pictures, but I don't think I'll be showing them to my grandmother.  I'm curious to figure out what happened and when.

Anyway, before we hit the house, we stopped at a marina.  Turns out that a pontoon boat rental is only like $150 for three hours...   The whole time we were there, we were thinking that it would be cool to come up here for a few days with a group of people, and it wouldn't cost that much money. 

After the Lake, we headed out towards Warwick, but on our way, we passed Wawayanda, which is this state park that has a beach.  I went with my grandparents a few times and I have pretty vivid memories of it.  We ate lunch at the beach and then we rented a rowboat.  I don't know if she just timed the current wrong or what, but Anna had quite a struggle with the rowing.  :)   

From Wawayanda, we went to a Farmer's Market in Warwick.  They had good icecream, and we stopped to watch the farm animals they had in their corral.  They had a goat and some sheep, and some baby goats as well.  I think that might have been the highlight of our trip.  Anna's got some good pictures, but I don't know how to post them.  If I figure it out, I'll put them up. 

Anyway, after we headed home at about 3...  but made a stop off at the Cross County Mall.  I went 4 for 4 on things I had to buy...  swim shorts, nice sandles, work shoes, and those wet sock things that you wear in the water. When I got home, I went for a run and to the gym... putzed around...   and now, I'm at DTUT, procrastinating on writing up some more material for my Tuesday lunch with Mary the publishing woman.

So I'm a terrible blogger... but, if I'm going to keep this up, I need to just keep writing. There's a part of you, when you fall behind, that thinks, "Well, I'm already behind, so I'll just put if off more." I don't want to be that guy.

So last weekend, I had a fantastic time at the Downtown Boathouse. www.downtownboathouse.org

I went down both Saturday and Sunday mornings. They have free kayaking on the Hudson by Pier 26 (Canal Street)... its so cool and the people who volunteer are so nice. I think the best part of it is that the kayakers are so excited over the novelty of the whole thing. They come out and they've had such a good time. They're thanking you for volunteering and helping to make their experience possible. Its great to be around people when they're in such a good mood... kinda rubs off on you. I think I'd like to make it a point of going every Saturday and Sunday in the mornings. Anyway... I'll be at DTUT tonight and blog more later...

Ok, so I'll break from the California catchup to report on the present moment. Its another bizzare night of people watching at DTUT. First off, on my way here, I watched a couple part ways after a date at the doorstep of the women's apartment building. I overheard her say, "Do you want to come up or are you tired?" Please woman... he either wants to come up or he's a unic. Funny enough, he didn't actually go up. I wanted to turn around and smack that guy on the back of the head and say, "Dude... what are you doing???" He was kind of a dorky guy, too... not likely to get this opportunity in the near term from what I can tell. Ah well. Now I'm at the cafe... with my back to the woman singing and playing guitar. She sounds ok, but she has the most ridiculously bland lyrics I've ever heard. She was singing some nonsense about being in Paris before... total dribble. There are three foreigners at the table, and a couple. I'm at the head. The foreigners--I can't tell if they're all together. The girl across from me is a fox... she's talking to a guy... they have accents, but I can't tell what kind, b/c of this guitarist drolling on about an apron. The girl with them, who chimes in every now and then is typing away on a laptop. She's quite unattractive... in fact, its like a spectrum of physical appearence. The guy, in the middle, is pretty non-descript. I keep trying to catch the girl across from me with some eye contact, but she's really enthralled in this accented conversation with the other two. Ah well.
I had a great meeting the other day with a Regis alumni. I ran the alumni database again for publishing people, and I came up with a guy who was a CFO for a publishing company. He rang me after I e-mailed him and was willing to stop in the GM office to chat. Turns out that it was his last day at this firm--he was going to be working out on Long Island in a different industry. Fantastic timing. Anyway, he gave me some great advice about getting my name out and associating it with my topic before I push harder on the actual book itself. He said my problem was that I was trying to write a good book, which isn't the way to get one published. So anyway, I went to a great website that he suggested would help me find some ways to get my thoughts on the subject into the media: www.mediabistro.com. Its got lots of really helpful articles about how to freelance for different magazines. They're also doing an event that would give me a chance to pitch to some literary agents that I signed up for. Also, from that, I found a site for the Young Professionals of New York City. Its like a professional society for young people in their 20's... interesting stuff. I signed up... they do lots of social and career events in the city and seem to have a good member base. I'll keep you posted on how that goes. Anyway... I need to go scouring the internet for writing opportunities related to career development. More on California and my new baseball team later...

OK.. So this is waaaaaaay overdue and its not even done, but I've been so busy the last two weeks. I'll write more this week, and catch everyone up on baseball, GM softball's first game, and the rest of my life... for now, here's the first half of the California trip... I'm such a bad blogger.

*******************************************

So I’m writing this blog on a plane coming back to New York from San Francisco. I definitely need to recap what has been an exciting and productive trip to the West Coast. In fact, I was so busy, this is the first opportunity I’ve had to write about it and I had been there since Sunday.

I left Sunday afternoon after doing the MS Walk and going out to lunch for Deirg’s birthday. Probably the most amusing part of this story has to do with the rental car that I got while out there. First off, let me give you a little background surrounding the car. Charles (my boss) and I had meetings to go to on Tuesday and Wednesday, so we planned on sharing the car while out there because we would be travelling together. I went a day early to hang out with some friends from high school, so it was up to me to get the car. Upon realizing last week that I would be out there first, and that he would have to travel in whatever I was going to rent, Charles says to me, “Oh… wait. You’re probably going to rent some kind of guido car aren’t you?” Admittedly, I did rent a Mustang convertible (in spite of the GM only policy) when I went to ILPA last year. “Oh no, we’re not having any of that. Get a Caddy.” So Maddy makes the reservation and I’m all signed up to get a DeVille, which has its own Pimp My Ride quality to it, so I didn’t entirely mind. (especially when you drive around blasting some of the XM techno stations.)

So I get to the rental place at 7:45 (10:45 NY time) and I’m pretty tired. They tell me to go to spot K-9 to get a white DeVille. I go to the spot, throw my stuff in the car and drive out, but not before stopping at the get so the guy can check my car and my contract. So I’m driving along and the whole time I’m thinking, “Wow, this is pretty chintzy interior for a Caddilac. I can’t believe anyone pays fifty grand for this thing.” So I get to the hotel and the valet parks it in the garage downstairs. PS… I really hate the whole valet concept, as well as the coat check concept. Maybe my tastes and service expectations having grown up in Brooklyn are too low brow, but the idea that I have to give someone two bucks for something that I can very easily do myself is ridiculous. Its like a little tax for having a car or a coat. Plus, with the car and the hotel, I’m someone who finds themselves coming in and out several times in a day, making the valet proposition pretty expensive. Anyway… upon getting a second wind, I called up Pastore, who I went to Regis with and is now at Stanford Law, to see if he wanted to hang out. He invited me over to the campus and so I went downstairs to get the car. The valet pulls up in a big white Buick. Amused at how he could easily confuse the two cars, I pretty smugly laugh and say, “Umm.. wrong car. I have a Caddy.” The valet looks at me like I have three heads and says, “Sir… this is definitely the car you drove up in.” So I look and there’s the little Avis keychain and the newspaper that was on the front seat. It was definitely the car I drove in. I couldn’t believe it.

What makes this so unbelievable is the sequence of events that made this possible. One, is the fact that it was on my mind that I was getting a Caddy, and so how I ever walked up to that spot and didn’t notice that there was a Buick Park Avenue sitting in the spot is beyond me. And its not like I don’t know cars. I just went to the car show last week, and I’m a GM employee for crying out loud. Ok, so maybe I can chalk that up to jet lag. The real surprise is how I even got out of the parking lot with the car. I definitely had a contract for a Caddy, and my contract definitely didn’t match the car I was driving. So what exactly did that guy in the little booth check? I mean… he looked at the contract, and looked at the car, but that’s all he did was look. There was definitely no reading and certainly no cognition on his part. (Nice.. we’re landing in a half hour. Jeff Barman is also on the plane with me, btw… he’s out like a light.) Then, on top of that, not once when I was ripping on the crappy interior did it occur to me that I wasn’t actually in a Caddy. Amazing and extrordinarily embarrassing. I must have looked like a complete idiot to that valet.

So, Monday morning, I head back to the airport to switch the cars. Problem solved. Interior: Much nicer. J After calling in to my group’s Monday morning meeting, I went for a run on the Stanford campus. I don’t think I’ve seen so many people biking around in one place. It was kind of nice—definitely very different than I’m used to. Lately, I’ve had the growing sense that I should be going somewhere that is different—that I should mix it up a little bit from what I’m used to, which is why I’m leaning towards Stanford over a Northwestern or Harvard. Granted I haven’t even taken the GMATs yet, but, well, failure is not an option.

For lunch, I went out with Valarie Cooper and Alissa Douglas from CM Capital. I met Valarie at ILPA in Toronto. She’s one of the many great people I’ve met through ILPA. I don’t know if its buy side people, private equity people, or maybe just my own discerning aura, but I seem to meet a lot of really nice people in this industry. Even some, albeit some, of the investment bankers I’ve met have been somewhat reasonable human beings. She’s been icredibly helpful, and she introduced me to Alissa, who is an analyst at CM that just graduated from Stanford. We talked on the phone previously and she told me all about her decision process and the application. Both were highly amused by the Buick Story.

That night, I went to the Giants-Padres game at SBC park with Pastore and Christ Cutul. It was a bit drizzly, but otherwise, it was great. We got tix six rows up from the field down the left field like—about 90 feet from Barry Bonds. Barry also lauched a homer off David Wells to top it off. Its so funny how, when you’re watching two teams you don’t really care about, your main interest becomes padding your fantasy baseball stats. I was happy that Bonds hit another home run, but not so happy that it came off of Boomer. At the end of the game, it was 4-1 going into the 9th and Matt Herges get totally screwed out of a save. He gets two outs and puts a guy on. All of the sudden, there’s activity in the bullpen. What?? This guy is your closer, why is anyone warming? Where’s the confidence? Marquis Grissom boots a shallow fly ball that would have ended the inning. Two more hits and Herges is gone, all with two outs. How's he supposed to gain any confidence if he looks out onto the OF grass (which is where bullpen is) and sees two guys up throwing. Once you put your closer in, you leave him in. He should be the last man out of the bullpen. Case closed. I was pissed.

Anyway, Tuesday was extremely hectic. We had five meetings set up, and I ran Charles ragged. He said he didn’t get much sleep the night before, and Tuesday nearly killed him. First, we went to breakfast at Il Forniao, which I suppose is the center of all activity in Palo Alto. It was at that point that I realized that I was grossly overdressed. I don’t think anyone has a tie within a 50 mile radius of that place. Oh well. Our first meeting was at Mayfield Partners, a top tier firm that we would definitely like to work with in some capacity, whether we are doing deals with them or as an LP in their fund. One of our other GPs made an introduction for us, so we were lucky to meet one of the main guys there, Kevin Fong as well as their CFO. These are the guys that backed 3Com, Citrix, Amgen, etc. It looks like they have a good core there, as two of the main guys are still there, and a partner at Focus said that there’s a third that is a great up and comer. I thought the meeting went well. Charles did most of the speaking, obviously. In fact, I was pretty lucky to be at the meeting at all, as private equity analysts go. At 24, GM gets me into a lot of things that not a lot of other analysts my age get exposed to. Kevin was a lot more like I conceptualized VCs to be than most of the people I’ve met. He had trendy spiked up hair and an electronic notepad on the back of his laptop. You could just tell he was all about the technology. I think if you’re investing in this stuff, you have to be playing with it on your own time as well, which is why I think Steve Jobs has such a great handle on what consumers will go for at this point in time.

Mayfield had a couple of deals that they suggested we take a look at, because of our connection to GM. In fact, we’ve seen a lot of deals over the past few years from people wanting inroads into the corporation. Because of that, we’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make those connections, not just for companies we invest in, but for ourselves, so we can get a window on how a huge enterprise spends its technology dollar.

After Mayfield, we went to visit DotEdu, a seed stage fund recommended to us by David Hornick from August. That was a very different experience—no marble floors at this place. This was a bare bones office with dry erase boards full of ideas. Now I felt even more out of place in a suit. Their story was an interesting one and Charles finally got his Google question answered. The partners of this fund had great inroads into west coast university technologies, and one of the parters even taught the Google guys when they were grad students. Charles wanted to know who really drove the success of that company and how much of factor the two VC’s, Kleiner and Sequioa, were, and how they got into the company. I don’t want to give the answer here, but let’s just say this team’s insights made us think that we really discovered an opportunity going forward. One notable quote from the meeting came from Naval Ravikant, who used to work with David at August. He said that it has become so much less expensive to fund a great technology partner—between acquiring talent, outsourcing programming, manufacturing, etc—that he said that most funds are too large based on what companies really need in terms of financing.

For lunch, I finally got to meet up with David Hornick. David and I had exchanged a few comments on the blog that he writes along with a few other VCs: www.ventureblog.com, and he was nice enough to agree to come out to lunch with me and Charles. Should you ever meet him, you need to get him to recite scenes from The Princess Bride. I don’t know how that’s useful in the VC world, but who cares. Anyway, he’s a very down to earth guy and should prove to be a reasonable voice in this bizzare little world VCs have put together. I hope he succeeds in finding his blowout deal.

To be continued…

The Jesuit Outcasts are now in sole possession of first place in the Bubba Strike's Back Fantasy Baseball League. All is now right with the world.

So it looks like, in the real world, I'll be joining a baseball team afterall. The Bisons disbanded, because the coach was a flake and just dropped the ball with the whole team. So I e-mailed the commish and the following exchange occurred:

Hey Gerard,

Its Charlie O'Donnell... I came down to your batting practice and you recommended me for Nelson's team. That turned out to be a disappointment. After two practices, he seemed to give up and he's not going to have a team. Its a shame too, because it seemed like he had a few pitchers and infielders who could play... maybe a few guys to build a team around. I called him up and his answer was, "Guys aren't calling me back." That didn't make any sense, because it seemed like the crew he had at the practices was pretty enthusiastic... I think he just decided he didn't want to coach. So now, I'm back to square one. Are there any other teams in this league still looking for players? After the two practices, I got pretty excited about playing again, so you can imagine how frustrating this is now. Let me know if you have any more leads?

Thanks,

Charlie

****************************************************
Then I get this e-mail:
****************************************************
Charlie my name is Joseph Fastaia and I am the manager for the Brooklyn Dodgers that plays in the UBBL league. Gerard forwarded your email to me and I was interested in what you said. I have a team of 13 players right now. I am looking for 4 more guys. I have 1 trying out tonight infact. I can tell you right now, you want to play ball, that's all I need to hear for people to be on my team. I do not care if they are not the greatest, if they love to play, that's good enough for me. I am so cocky that I believe I will bring the best I can out of that person and give them new heights for the game. If you are interested you can email me back and we can set up a date for me to look at you as well as tell you more about my team.
************************************************************
My response:
************************************************************

Sounds great...

Here's my info:
I turning 25 in July work in midtown and live in the city, but my job is very flexible and I have car, so I can almost guarantee that I can make most, if not all, the games. Actually, I can drive into Brooklyn tomorrow morning if that works for you, but I have to be somewhere at 12. Then, I'm in San Fran from Sunday until Wednesday and I'm free after that.

Baseballwise, I catch and play outfield. I have a good arm, but with some accuracy issues, which is the only reason I don't pitch. At the plate, I'm basically a contact #2 type hitter... not too much pop, just line drives and walks, but we'll see how that plays out in practice. I'm definately not a flashy player, but I'm good over the long run. The one thing I can guarantee is that I can outhustle any guy you have on your team. Call my cell if you'd like to meet up tomorrow morning somewhere. If not, I'll have to meet you later next week or next weekend.

Charlie
**********************************************************
You gotta love that... Throwing down the gauntlet: " I can guarantee is that I can outhustle any guy you have on your team."
**********************************************************
I love your spunk. I have not met you but I can tell you I would like you to be on my team. There is one problem about tomorrow I have to work, but I am having a practice next Friday the 23rd at 5pm at Marine Park. Your age is right around ours. We are a bunch a guys that want to play just like you, that's why I feel your a prefect fit for this team. Position wise, I need a catcher but outfield is already filled up because everyone on my team can play everywhere. So more then likely your going to catch, but play other positions because its going to be hard to have everyone down at once. The price is 360. Jersey is included, plus umpire fees and registration. Baseball pants and hats your on your own because I feel you gotta feel right in them and instead of buying a whole bunch of cheap ones that everyone does not feel good in. Once you pay, you pay and that's it. I look forward from hearing from you and like I said before 4 more guys I want and I see you as one of them and you will love this team because we have fun and we will win.

*********************************************

You hear that, folks... I got spunk. Spunk me, baby. So now, I'm a Dodger.

I think one of the most useful skills I've developed over my lifetime is the ability to wake up early--like ridiculously early. This morning, I walked out of my house at 6AM to come to work, and now, at 7:10, I've been pounding away, running reports, spreadsheets, etc. for our veture review. I'm the ultimate last minute guy, and I can't tell you how many times in college that I would wake up at 6 to finish papers for 9:30 classes. I'd much rather do that than stay up late. When I stay up late, with each passing minute, I get slower and slower. Often times in school, I would quit at midnight and then just wake up six hours later to do something, fully refreshed and that much more efficient.

That's why I think this whole Stanford thing will work out with GM. (Should I actually get in for next year.) I really think I can work from 6-9 on GM stuff each day, coordinating with NY time, and get a lot done, and not interrupt my grad work. Maybe I'm smoking dope, but I just can't conceive of a situation where I can't put in 15-20 hours a week doing something else. In fact, I think I'll need to, because I need distraction. I had a great conversation with an analyst from CM Capital the other day about Stanford and grad school in general. She said first term was really time consuming, but that's about the only point where she didn't have a lot of extra time to do other things, and a lot of that was because of classes she should have worked to pass out of like statistics. We'll see, I suppose.

This is probably politically incorrect, but... .well... I don't really care so much, I still think its a good idea that solves a problem.

While biking around the city yesterday (I rode about 19 miles), I came up with an idea. Its become apparent to me that homeless people and street performers need to get in on this Mobil Speedpass-like technology. Imagine if you had a little keyfob with a button on it that was connected to your bank account. You see someone asking for money on the street, and all you have to do is press the little button, and 25 cents instantly drops into their account, or on a smart card, if they don't have an account. What happens sometimes is that people, rightly or wrongly, don't want to step out of a crowd to put money in a hat or jar or whatever they're collecting in. They feel embarrassed, or in the case of some of the more troubled looking homeless, simply don't want to get too close to them. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't have an issue with this myself, but I think I'm objectively observing the opinions of the average NYC passerby. I don't think that all of the people who walk on by are cold hearted and often times I feel like they probably want to give something, but something prevents them. Maybe they don't want to break out their wallet on a crowded city street. Maybe they honestly don't have any change.

Think about it. You could set the button to determine exactly how much you want to give, and set limits over a given time span... let's say a dollar a day or something. All you would need to do is point and click your little key fob at the person you want to give to, and its done... anonymously if you want.

From the perspective of the collector, its a huge improvement in efficiency. First off, it makes their money more secure. You could keep the money on a smart card with a pin number. Should they lose the card or get it stolen, only they would know the pin to get access, and they could have it replaced quickly. No more need to worry about getting ripped off by other homeless people.

Also, it increases the number of potential collection hours. When people are sleeping on the street late at night and someone walks by them, that's when the passerby often feels the worst for them. Yet, they never give, because... well... how are you going to give them anything? Are you going to put the spare change on the person when they're sleeping? Certainly you wouldn't wake them up to give them money. This is a prime collection opportunity that they are missing out on.

It also solves the problem of knowing where the money is going. You could set up the smart card so it is only able to purchase certain items, like food, clothes, or shelter. Items like alcohol would be prohibited.

Now, of course, the plan is not without its hitches. If there were other people carrying smart cards, you wouldn't want someone else stepping into your beam and stealing the quarter. Plus, there are people like my friend Grace who just think the idea is stupid. Surely, they will have to be further educated with a more convincing argument. I think the whole thing would work pretty well. Of course, making a business out of it, taking a small percentage of all of these tiny transactions, might prove someone difficult. Maybe you could just make it a non-profit endeaver and just get philanthropic money to pay for it.

Yes... these are the kind of things that go through my head when I ride my bike.

I have to say... I'm slowly understanding the desire to deliver the big deal. More and more over the past two years, beginning with my work on some pretty large secondary portfolios, I've been working more directly on the investment side than the portfolio analysis and reporting side. Last month, I basically ran with a buyout co-investment and managed the whole process with the team, since the two PMs on the deal were in San Fran and London when the work was being done. Now, a late stage venture deal that I think is pretty interesting has come across my plate and I'm itching to see it through--but not just see it though, but to introduce to company to GM and every single direct investment we have in our portfolio. I'm excited about the possibility of really driving the value creation in something and I see the allure of being a GP and doing this whole networking thing. I won't deny that it doesn't pique my interest, even though I've been saying that working on partnerships--and assessing other people's investment strategy is much more interesting to me. Its interesting, but probably not as exciting.

Along those same lines, Marcy and I are going to be out on the west coast knocking on the doors of some of these hard to get into venture firms. Some of them we actually have good connections to, but other ones... its basically like cold calling. And yet, we don't even know if these are the groups we want to get into. Half the time, its word of mouth, or evidence from one big deal. It will be my second business trip out to the west coast... the first being the LA ILPA conference couple with some visits to some consumer focused buyout firms. However, it will be the first big step in this whole Stanford plan I've got--the idea being that I'd go out to grad school in Fall '05 and perhaps source, or at least track, venture deals for GM (or whatever entity we'll be by the time that happens) while I'm out there. I haven't been out to the Bay Area on business before--hopefully it will be a foreshadowing of things to come.

So I pose this question: "Can a Friend Guy ever be a Guy Guy?"

What is it that makes a guy fit into, or fall out of, the catagory of potential date. See, men are different. For men, if we are single, any single female that we are hanging out with has the potential, at least at first, to be a potential date. There's never a question of whether or not a guy who asks you out is actually interested in dating you. But for girls, you never really know. You can be doing all of the dating type stuff... showing interest, asking them out, etc... and they'll seemlingly go along with the whole thing, until the point that you're sitting across from them and you realized, "Hey... wait a second... this isn't a date at all!"

I think we should all wear some kind of color coded clothing. Like, we all wear green if we're available for a date, or on a date. This way, when you show up to pick the girl up, and you're wearing green and she's not, you can say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was something else. My bad." People in relationships, they could wear red... you know, like for "stop." This way, you don't chat with someone for a 1/2 hour and then suddenly have them drop the b-bomb on you that they have a boyfriend.

That's not to say that people aren't worth just being friends with. They totally are, and there are some people I'd love to spend more time with, no matter what the kind of relationship--I just want it to be clear what people are getting into at the start.

Some guys would always get green shirted girls... like my college suitemate. I swear, he could be buying sneakers and he's come out of it with the phone number of some chick--a customer, clerk, or both. Me... I practically have to keep reminding people that I am, in fact, an actual male. Who knew that paying attention to women, showing a little care, and being courteous would make them confuse you for another woman? Maybe that's why I seem to have better luck with lesbians. Weird.

Sometimes, I think to myself that I could have better friends... that my friends are kind of unreliable, or just don't think of me as much as I think of them... aside from Deirg. But you know what... I was thinking, on my way to DTUT just now, that I can't really think of anyone that I can hold up and say that they are a really great friend to anyone else Most groups of friends that I know are groups really based on safety or proximity, rather than genuine esteem. People hang out with their roommates, or people that they work with, but really don't get too involved emotionally in each other's lives--at least not from what I can see. Half of the people I know can't even give a really basic description of the kind of people they hang out with, and know little about their friends but superficial details.

People are just not generally good at being there for other people. I think part of the reason is the generally low bar we hold each other up to. Like just now, I'm sitting here in DTUT--my window on the universe--as per usual, and there's this guy who generally accosts just about every halfway decent looking girl who comes in here. Yet, there he is, chatting it up with these two who just came in. In my eyes, he's borderline obnoxious... but here they are sharing their time with him. We're just so distracted by things that aren't really worth it that we shouldn't be putting our time into to be really good friends.

I dunno... I'm just feeling pretty jaded after this weekend...

So, I haven't exactly been a completely reliable Blogger. No wonder the subscription revenues are down. :
Anyway... so last weekend, I went on the Fordham Alumni Retreat. It was definately an interesting mix of people... graduates from '49 to '02. Admittedly, it was about 2/3 older people, but I didn't really care. In fact, they had a lot to offer, and just seeing all of these people there, thinking of the life history they bring with them, was touching. A few younger people came... Veronica Dagher, Veronica Escobar, and Evelyn O'Hara. I dunno... Evenlyn, by all accounts, is one of those acquaintences that life usually shakes from you after a short period of time, but she has a knack for continuously popping up--either on retreats, dating Roberto... totally random. I don't get her, but... that's not what I came here to talk about.
One person struck me in particular. So picture dinner at the retreat house on Friday night. I'm sitting there with the Veronicas, this younger priest who is leading the retreat, and this other guy. The other guy is a bit scraggley, but not too bad. He starts talking, or, rather, rambling a bit. He does know what he's talking about though--religious history and the background of the church. In fact, he's quite knowledgeable about it. Then, he drops the bomb and just comes out with the fact that he's a "homeless former drug addict." Sitting next to Dahger, he then proceeds to tell her how pretty she is--naturally beautiful, not like how most women cover themselves up will all sorts of unnecessary crap. We're all mildly spooked at this point, but for some reason, I stuck with him, long after everyone else at the table had gotten up. I listened to him, asked him questions. I put myself in his shoes. He kept saying how glad he was to be "surrounded by his peers" on this retreat. Think of it. On this retreat, he gets a clean bed, his own room, and three square meals a day. On this retreat, he's a Fordham alumni surrounded by other alumni. In the rest of his life, he's surrounded by... by dregs, really. Certainly no one else who is college educated--and a double major at that (english and economics.) This is a guy who had a drug problem in his 30's, fell out of society, and just never got back. Now 50, he probably isn't going to amount to much, but on this retreat, he feels like a member of a community--probably something he doesn't feel on a regular basis. It really struck me.
Ok, in other news, I STILL can't find anyone remotely interested in my book from a publishing point of view. All the shit that gets published on a regular basis... and here I am actually believing in what I have to write and no one wants it. And its a meaningful message, too... everytime I talk to students, send them what I have, they really seem interested in it. Its just one more reason to spite Hilary Clinton, who doesn't even write her own stuff and she gets paid millions of dollars. What kind of a message does she have? She's got nothing... she's just an empty, hollow human being, and people were lining up in droves to hear what her ghost writer has to say. And Pete Rose? I'm sure his book will sell, too. Now, don't get me wrong... he should be in the Hall. No Question. But, he's still a pretty low quality person, and I seriously doubt he has anything the least be interesting to say. Its just that these aren't the qualifications for the Hall of Fame. Anyway... so frustrating. I've tried to tap the Fordham network, too... but Fordham itself only wants "academic" works to publish, and the alumni group doesn't have the tools to get me a list of people who are actually in publishing. In fact, the list they gave me had Deirdre and Brian in it. haha... oh well. Ok, back to the rest of my life.

I'm sitting in DTUT... writing. There's a guitarist playing. Its some chick with funky Macey Gray hair. She's pretty good. Two girls are yapping away Sex in the City style next to me at the table, each with a glass of red wine. On the other side of the table is a younger couple... they can't be any more than 20. He's Asian, she looks Arabic... maybe Hispanic. He has a glass of wine and she has tea. There are two finished desert plates in front of them. They're looking intently at each other as they speak. At the counter, two middle aged men sit together in gay sweaters. They're not watching or listening to the guitarist. They're watching CNN on the TV above. The two girls japping away don't notice the guitarist either. Across the room, two men sit on the either side of a small table in high backed old chairs. I can't tell if they're together, but one of them has a sketch pad. He never looks up, so he doesn't appear to be sketching anything in the room. I think the only person in the room looking up at me at any point is the guitarist, but she has a spotlight on her, so I doubt she can even see me. I'm anonymous here.. and I can just sit and watch.

I think I realized what I'm looking for. I was driving home last night, listening to The System, which is my favorite XM station. Its "mind-altering electronica mix -- from the hardcore scene of the early 90s, to Trance anthems, Big Beat, breakbeat and down-tempos." Ok, whatever... Anyway, I was thinking about how that music makes me feel. There's something about electronica--the music itself, not the companion drugs--that make me feel outside of myself. Its as if I'm watching myself in a movie.

I don't want to watch myself in a movie anymore.

Like Jim Carrey in the Truman Show, when he's at the end of the man made ocean, at the door to the outside, I want to jump out and experience the unknown. I thought that was a great movie, and that scene, where he just hops out having no idea what the outside world is like is really meaningful. I just to see eye to eye with someone, open the door to something unknown with someone... bigger than ourselves. That's what I'm looking for. It doesn't matter what their favorite color is, how they dress, or who they've dated before me.

The problem is, most of the people I find are too scared to open the door. They'd rather play out the movie. Its scary to hop out of the dome with someone... I guess... I dunno, I find it a lot scarier not to ever know what's on the outside--not to know what could become of life.

So I'm definately overdue for a blog... especially since I had a very big week.

The week obviously kicked off with my stellar Bison debut. After that, my main focus was the ILPA (www.ilpa.info) conference, which I've been helping to put together for some time now, but I did manage to slip in a second date with Elizabeth. Since the latter is much more interesting and important to me, I'll talk about that first.

Elizabeth also works in private equity, but that's not how I met her. Admittedly, I met her on this sketchy internet thing... but, to be honest, she's anything but sketchy. She's smart, ambitious, fun, personable... very likeable. She's got a similar background... from Queens, commuted into the city for high school like I did. She's also way prettier than her picture online. In fact, I think she's quite the fox. HOWEVER, I have to be very careful here, for fear of scaring her off Colleen-style. I dunno... maybe I'm just not too easily scared, or maybe its just been so long since I felt anyone was really smitten with me, that the idea of someone falling for me right away doesn't bother me. Elizabeth, however, seems like she'd be easily overwhelmed. In fact, after our first date late last week, I flirted with disaster by overduing it with e-mails. (ok, so I sent her like three, but I e-mail like I IM... I just send whatever I'm thinking.) Since then, I've only called her to set up the 2nd date, and I've been totally laying low. We went out on Tuesday, and I just gave her a call today. I hope that wasn't too long. I also sent her a nice little handwritten note Wednesday morning.... nothing much, just a very short "enjoyed your company" kind of thing.

Anyway, I'm just having trouble figuring this whole thing out. So its only been two dates w/o much talking in between, but that's kind of the point. Like, why shouldn't I expect that someone would be excited about me? Like, after I saw her last time, I wanted to say, "Can't wait to see you again..." because I really couldn't and I didn't want the date to end. Yet, I'm sure that probably would have freaked her out. What are we all scared of? Shouldn't we all expect to be smitten-worthy? Sigh... I'm a nice guy... and I try hard to be a nice guy...but you're not supposed to try hard. In fact, it seems like the most successful guys don't try at all. They barely maintain civility. What passes for worthwhile dating ettiquette is beyond me. Like, the other day, Deirg went out to a bar and some guy was talking to her. At the end of the night, he invited her home. She was annoyed, but to be honest, a lot of girls probably would have went home with him. Corey is doing something similar. She's got a great guy that is absolutely sweet to her, yet when this fireman that is only looking for a late night booty call, it piques her interest. The whole world is just fekked up. Anyway... I called Elizabeth today to ask her how she was feeling... I hope she calls me back tonight. I'd love to have a nice phone chat. Too bad she doesn't have a blog... this way, I'd know what she was thinking and whether or not I am setting myself up to be disappointed.

Anyway... its foggy out tonight... I love fog.

Oh... and another thing... I had dinner with Liz Werner last Sunday. Yeah... right... blast from the past. She was away in Japan for two years... pretty much since right after graduation, and before that, we weren't talking too much after we broke up. Therefore, its been a good three and a half years since we've talked. And yet, it was as if it was all back to normal... back to the way we were in sophmore and junior year... like we were at Lincoln Center... eating. It was standard fare for us and it just felt really nice. Hopefully, we'll hang out again soon.

Ok, so the conference. Well, a little background.... ILPA is an organization of groups like mine that invest in private equity funds. Back in October, I went to the conference when it was held in LA. The Executive Director of the group asked me if GM would "help co-host"... two words when taken together seem to imply not nearly as much work as I wound up doing for it. However, all that work seems now worth it. The conference went off great, and I really got a lot of great exposure at it. I have a few buddies in the group now that I've seen several times and that I stay in touch with. There are a few guys that work for CALPERS that are pretty cool, a great girl from Cleaveland who is all business and never really gives me the slightest bit of vibe.  (UPDATE... Turns out she's engaged.)  There's this really cool lady who works for a family office on the west coast. She's very interesting and we chat a lot about venture... but she's also going to hook me up with this girl who just graduated from Stanford. She'd be a really interesting person for me to talk to. Anyway... it really is a great bunch of people in this asset class. Plus, I met this guy at a Swedish pension fund who would be a great candidate for one of our fund of funds products. Charles (my boss) was pretty impressed that I came back with a potential client.

Isn't about time people started realizing that I'm not your average bear. :)

Went to the Young Alumni event at SHOW last night...

First off, listening to McShane talk is worth the price of admission. He said that he wants Fordham to become the preminent Catholic educational institution in this country. And why the hell shouldn't it be? Why not strive for the highest goal possible, because even if you miss your target, you still wind up in a great place.

Also, its amazing how, after you bash people on Blog, they're suddenly and randomly nice to you. It almost as if they're reading your posts. Maybe its just that comments like that turn the mirror on someone, and they realize they haven't been acting like the people they want to be. That would be sincere and totally acceptable. The cynic in me wonders whether or not people just don't like to be perceived negatively... and will make nice regardless of how they really feel about you. Eh, well... doesn't matter I suppose. At the end of the day, sincere or not, I'd rather have people just be nice to me. Its not like it would kill them.

I don't really post a lot of current events stuff on my Blog. Its mostly thoughts, musings, etc... so while, if you were reading it, maybe you'd understand more about me, its not like you'd feel like you were my friend or anything. You wouldn't really know anything about my life in detail. Kristin's blog, however, gives you such a detailed account, sometimes you do probably feel like a better friend to her than you really are. Without thinking of it, I asked her how her ankle was. I didn't know anything about her ankle, other than from reading her Blog. That's kind of weird, no? I mean... we're not really friends, but I know a lot about her. I dunno.... its sort of sketchy.

Just got a call from Nelson from the Brooklyn Bisons.... that other team that I mentioned the other day. This guy has two teams, an A and a B squad... and he's definately looking for more guys. Sounds like he needs people... now I'm excited again.

Tonight was a major setback for the Charlie O'Donnell Baseball Comeback trail....

So it turns out that this baseball team I found out about is like a team of allstars. This guy scouts all over for players, and replaces like half his team every year. We went to the batting cages tonight, and we went to the 90mph one. I think I fouled off four pitches, through no fault of my own.

Before we went, there was a high school kid there with his dad. The kid was getting all pissed when he didn't hit it... but for the most part, he was hitting a ton. He hardly seemed like he was having any fun at all. From the time I was 13 till I was 20, for six seasons, I had the time of my life. I played before that, but I was never any good. I played on teams where the coaches never made me feel like I could succeed. Then, one day, I had a practice with a team that was awful. I got a fluke hit at the end of batting practice and at the first game, I found myself hitting 2nd. I had never hit that high in my life, and for the first time, I felt like I could really hit the ball. And I did.... all season, for six seasons straight. And I had fun with it... I played all over the field... caught, played third, first. I played my butt off. It never came easy to me.

The last few games we played were special. I caught Brian three times, and they were probably the best three games he ever pitched in his life. I think I went like 8 for my last 10 at the plate. That was a hard way to go out, because I felt like I had more to give. I felt like, had I been coached better, given a chance earlier, I might have turned out a lot better.

Now, I watched all these kids with ridiculous natural talent put on a clinic. Baseball is something I've never been able to put away. I think that's a hard thing for a guy who grew up playing. Its part of your life, but it has a limit to it, because you can't play it forever. When I'm a dad, I'm going to give my kid the best shot possible of being really good.... I won't push... but, I never want him to feel like I did tonight. Especially the way I am, where I always think I can do something to fix a problem, its so hard to go up there, give all you've got, and come up with a big zero. Its a really empty feeling. I really wanted to be good tonight.

Inspired by blog queen KN, my Top Ten People at Fordham While I was There Excluding People I Lived With List (In No Particular Order)...

Joe McShane, SJ (former Dean of FCRH, current President)- So technically, he was there at FU when I was there, because in my freshmen year, he was the Dean of FCRH. That was before they shipped him out to the St. Joe's basketball team to recruit some new young point guards. Hopefully, he'll have similar success here. Seriously, though, this guy is the man for the job... probably the biggest thinker the university has ever seen, I'm confident he'll restore a lot of the greatness the school used to have. Plus, he offered to set me up with someone, too, so I can't knock him for that.

Gerry Blaszczak, SJ (Chaplain)- Two out of the three best speeches I've ever heard in my life have come from this guy, and I don't even remember what the third one was. He epitomizes the challenge yourself nature of what a Jesuit education is supposed to be.

Morris the Guard (Former Security Guard)- Morris used to be in Hughes in my sophomore year, then they moved him to Martyrs when I was a junior. Happiest guard on the planet. You'd walk in and all you'd hear for 10 minutes straight was, "I gotchoo Charlie, I gotchoo... we cool, we cool. Arrrright. We cool. I gotchoo." Plus, he used to hold the sign in sheet completely sideways and would write up and down on the page... I always found that fascinating.

Liz Valleau (Former RA)- She's gotta make my list, because she's probably been the most influential peer I've ever had--and I'm not one who is easily influenced. She opened me up to the idea of accepting other people who behaved differently than you if you expected them to be accepting of yourself. Plus, well... you know.. she's hot.

Steve Strong (former President of PSJ) - If half the rumored curseout of Jeff Gray is true, he makes the list. Ok, I wasn't one for being anti the Fordham administration, but I have to respect him for putting himself on the line for speaking what he believes. Plus, as liberal as he was, he said to me once, "I'm glad there's a you and I'm glad there's a me. The truth lies somewhere in the middle and you need extreme people on both sides to fish it out." Along the lines of Valleau, anyone who realizes they have to embrace those who disagree with them in order to have others respect there opinion goes a long way in my book.

MaryAnn Betsch (former CBA Business Journal editor, BAP officer, CBA '01 Salutatorian) - MaryAnn helped me out big time with the CBA paper as a sophomore, and then returned from study abroad to lead a retreat for business students with me, making her a part of two activities which were really meaningful to me. She's just a quality person... that's all I can say. Her Salutatorian speech was way better than the Valedictorian's speech.

Brendan O'Connell (Founder, the 6th Man Club) - I never lived with him, so he qualifies. Brenden is the outlier on the chart that correlates humor to size, throwing the curve off of all the funny fat guys. I think the only public crying I've ever done in my life is at his remarks to opposing players at Rams bball games... friggin hysterical.

Nancy MCarthy (CBA Senior Dean)- For almost the full four years, I was in that woman's office almost everyday--running ridiculous ideas off of her, asking for stuff, and she was always supportive. I still call her now for advice, and to let her know what ridiculous stuff I've gotten myself into. In a way, she's inspired part of what makes me want to work at a university--the idea that you don't have to be political, or a university bureaucrat.. that you can just care about students and be great at your job.

the paper Staff - In freshmen year, I posted the back page of the paper, with their Top Ten list regarding the new sign in policy. From the Wylde Bitch to Former Scrub of the Week, the paper was a constant breath of fresh air from the stale alternative. Each week, you couldn't believe they wrote what they wrote, and just waited for someone to shut them down. That's what a campus paper should be like.

Anton Dengler (Nicest guy in the world.) No, seriously, he is. One time, in freshmen year, he came up to our table in the caf and asked if we mind him sitting down. I said, "Yeah, we mind." I was totally kidding, yet, without hesitation he just said, "Oh, ok, I'll just sit over here then." We were like, "Nononono, come back!" Funny shit. Then, another time, I went to go talk to his roommate about possibly rooming together. I knock on their door. Anton welcomes me in, offers me chips, dip and soda. Offers me a seat. I'm sitting there munching away... he's asking me how I'm doing, and I totally forget why I'm even in there in the first place. He didn't even care. Now that's hospitality.

Sex and friendship.... Its just not easy stuff to deal with. So often, the reasons we find ourselves attracted to someone are the same reasons we want to keep them in our lives as friends. It has been debated endlessly whether or not the two can co-exist. More and more, it seems as if more of one overshadows the other. I heard someone ask a question which the answer was, "If you know you are not looking to build a relationship with someone, you shouldn't be hooking up with someone." Seems kind of idealistic, doesn't it? I think a lot less people would get hurt that way, though... and maybe its the right way to go.
When I asked Liz to go to dinner, she hesitated, because she had a boyfriend. Deirg specifically gave me orders that I could never date any of her friends, concievably for as long as I live. Grace tried to set me up with a friend of hers, but the friend didn't want anything b/c Grace and I had hooked up in the past. It all works rather strangely... Relationships, friendships, sex... its all rather complicated, and it hurts a lot of people. Maybe if we call just acknowledged that we're all well intentioned, but we're all just trying to figure out what we want for ourselves, so be patient with each other, things would turn out a lot better.

So every morning I wake up to Z100.... not because I like Z100, but because I only listen to the radio for like half a millisecond before I shut it off, so it doesn't matter. However, a few times, I've gotten caught up in this whole "phone tap" thing where they call people up and tell them that they're the IRS or that someone saw them cheating on their girlfriend, or whatever. I gotta say... I find no humor in this whatsoever. They put people through absolute hell for a quick laugh. Its like the phone equilivent of walking up to someone on the street and kicking them in the crotch. I really hope one day they tap a postal worker and the guy comes down and well... you know... goes postal.

Its President's Day. You know what I had never realized before?

How great a pornstar name is Franklin Pierce?

Its gold, Jerry. Gold!