Sex and friendship.... Its just not easy stuff to deal with. So often, the reasons we find ourselves attracted to someone are the same reasons we want to keep them in our lives as friends. It has been debated endlessly whether or not the two can co-exist. More and more, it seems as if more of one overshadows the other. I heard someone ask a question which the answer was, "If you know you are not looking to build a relationship with someone, you shouldn't be hooking up with someone." Seems kind of idealistic, doesn't it? I think a lot less people would get hurt that way, though... and maybe its the right way to go.
When I asked Liz to go to dinner, she hesitated, because she had a boyfriend. Deirg specifically gave me orders that I could never date any of her friends, concievably for as long as I live. Grace tried to set me up with a friend of hers, but the friend didn't want anything b/c Grace and I had hooked up in the past. It all works rather strangely... Relationships, friendships, sex... its all rather complicated, and it hurts a lot of people. Maybe if we call just acknowledged that we're all well intentioned, but we're all just trying to figure out what we want for ourselves, so be patient with each other, things would turn out a lot better.

So every morning I wake up to Z100.... not because I like Z100, but because I only listen to the radio for like half a millisecond before I shut it off, so it doesn't matter. However, a few times, I've gotten caught up in this whole "phone tap" thing where they call people up and tell them that they're the IRS or that someone saw them cheating on their girlfriend, or whatever. I gotta say... I find no humor in this whatsoever. They put people through absolute hell for a quick laugh. Its like the phone equilivent of walking up to someone on the street and kicking them in the crotch. I really hope one day they tap a postal worker and the guy comes down and well... you know... goes postal.

Its President's Day. You know what I had never realized before?

How great a pornstar name is Franklin Pierce?

Its gold, Jerry. Gold!

There's something about going away that really puts your life into perspective. Whether its a trip across the country, a few hour roadtrip, or a spiritual retreat, taking a step away really does make a lot of things clear. While I'm a big advocate of solving your issues from the inside, as oppossed to running away from them and stepping away, I still think you need some time to reset to make things clear.
When I was dating Vanessa, I used to love to dance with her. The one thing I have to say about her, she was totally accepting of someone's individuality, no matter how they chose to express themselves. I felt that the most when we danced. I loved dancing with her more than anyone else, because I could do anything... totally act out, be ridiculous, and she never had an issue with it. I could just express whatever I was feeling. I got used to that feeling. When I dated Liz the actress, we went out to Culture Club... er... not CC... the other one... the 70's place. I can't think of the name. We were dancing, and she kept unbuttoning the second button on my shirt. I had a tshirit on under, so it didn't matter... but it just wasn't how I wanted it. I kept fixing it, but she was insistant. That little button incident really really struck a chord, because she wanted it a certain way without regard to what I was feeling. I know it seems silly, but I felt like, in a small way, she was trying to change me.
I think it was at that moment that I realized how important a value I placed on having my individuality appreciated. Its something we all deserve, but we really get it from so few people. A lot of people dont' even take the time to get to know us as well as they should, let alone value us for what makes us different.
When I find someone, I'm not going to care whether or not they like the color orange, or wear weird shoes... but one thing is for sure... we're going to take the time to know who we are and appreciate each other for that. I don't want to feel like I'm being fit into some ideal perception of a boyfriend or anything like that.

"They professed to love him for some unknown reason and they ignored all the things for which he could hope to be loved for." -- Atlas Shrugged

On a completely different note, my song of the moment is "I'm your Boogeyman by Rob Zombie." In fact, I think that all cheesy 70's disco should be covered by Rob Zombie. I could listen to disco if Rob Zombie covered it.

I haven't done a lot of stuff lately that has caused much interesting brainwork on my end. For the last few weeks, I've just been way too wrapped up in activities... less rec time then I would like. Work is ridiculously busy... between the move, hosting this conference, and all these random meeting presentations to work on, its a little out of hand. What bothers me is that not everyone pitches in evenly. I'm learning a lot of lessons in managing a group from working here. Every day, I get more enthralled with the idea of running a career planning group at a college. There's something about the potential of a small group with a big opportunity set that makes for interesting possibilities. When the scope of your goals is very wide and ambiguous, and you have a small number of people to work with, I think it makes the managers job very interesting. Investment groups are like that, from what I can tell... college alumni and career departments... I don't know about marketing groups. It seems like their scope is too narrow. I think it would be interesting to feel out what other types of organizations fit this profile. You know, when I did the newspaper at Fordham, that was similar, now that I think of it. Flexible mandate with a small group. Ironically enough, GM is the complete opposite of it... at least on the car side. Hundreds of thousands of people doing one thing... making cars. What a bore it must be at the top. Poor Rick Wagoner.

I was cleaning out some old files, and I have this saved conversation from me and Brian... I don't know if its funny to anyone that didn't go to Our Lady of Guadalupe, but its funny to us...

Cuth23: jeanine giordano just IMed me ... I'm having flashbacks.
Cuth23: It's like an OLG reunion
Ceo21: jeezus christ
Ceo21: How'd she get your IM?
Cuth23: jeannine
Cuth23: samartano
Ceo21: The other Janine is Janine I think.
Ceo21: Janine used to have a cousin named Darlene, no?
Cuth23: Janine Giordano
Cuth23: 73rd jeannine
Ceo21: yeah
Ceo21: no
Cuth23: is two n's
Cuth23: i'm right
Cuth23: trust me
Ceo21: yeah
Ceo21: no no, I meant...
Ceo21: Giordano is Janine
Ceo21: that was my point
Cuth23: yup
Cuth23: oh, you are correct
Ceo21: : jeanine giordano just IMed m
Ceo21: ok
Ceo21: Anyway...
Ceo21: is she on now?
Ceo21: Ask her if she had a cousin Darlene that went to OLG... I wanna see how good my memory is.
Cuth23: are you thinking of margaret giordano
Ceo21: no no
Ceo21: I know who margaret is
Ceo21: Darlene is someone's cousin
Ceo21: I think its Janine.
Ceo21: ask her
Ceo21: I don't think I invented the girl.
Cuth23: and she went to olg
Cuth23: that 3 pound sandwhich doin wonders with your memory ain't it
Ceo21: hold on a sec
Ceo21: so what's the verdict on the cousin?
Cuth23: oops
Ceo21: You never asked.
Cuth23: haha, i started talkin to her about other shit and forgot
Cuth23: haha
Ceo21: I'm sure its her
Cuth23: Wait.
Cuth23: The shortish girl
Cuth23: little chunk
Cuth23: dirty blonde hair
Cuth23: or something like that
Ceo21: no no
Ceo21: dark hair
Ceo21: skinny
Cuth23: oh
Cuth23: apparently that's not her then
Ceo21: straight shoulder length hair
Ceo21: Who's not who?
Cuth23: The girl I was thinking
Cuth23: is not her
Cuth23: i was thinking doreen giuga
Cuth23: remember her?
Cuth23: jesus christ
Cuth23: i can't believe i remembered her last name
Ceo21: Yeah.. of course I remember doreen
Cuth23: doreen guiga
Cuth23: i'm so impressed with myself for that one
Ceo21: You remember that game we used to play with Hops...
Ceo21: the list game
Ceo21: where you go back and forth naming people in a catagory
Ceo21: and if you can't name one, you're out
Cuth23: oh christ
Cuth23: yeah
Cuth23: what's the category
Ceo21: Catagory: People we went to school with from Kingergarten to 5th Grade
Cuth23: Elizabeth Bova
Ceo21: holy shit
Ceo21: no, see
Cuth23: Woooooooooooooooo
Ceo21: you gotta save those
Ceo21: you keep the hard ones to yourself until you need it
Cuth23: LIke Clubber Lang said to Rocky
Cuth23: "I gotta lotta more, boy, got a lotta more"
Ceo21: Rosemarie Liuzzo
Cuth23: Sal Auteri
Ceo21: Vinny Cigna
Cuth23: Paul Tulipan
Cuth23: pano
Ceo21: Kennith Tong
Cuth23: Michael Tam
Ceo21: Hen-wing Yu
Cuth23: Joey Sobanko
Ceo21: Allison McGowen
Cuth23: Awww
Cuth23: Maria Ribaudo
Cuth23: brb
Ceo21: James Mallon
Ceo21: k
Ceo21: I'll save these
Ceo21: we should do e-mails and forward them
Ceo21: so we don't lose track
Cuth23: Paul Mazzone
Ceo21: Sara Guariglia
Cuth23: Melisa Kipp
Cuth23: Yeah bitch.
Ceo21: Julia Iraci
Cuth23: Those two were like a pair
Cuth23: Squadrito
Ceo21: Valenti
Cuth23: Dawn
Ceo21: Debbie Fraulo
Cuth23: Susan "I became beyond hot the day we were confirmed" Coca
Ceo21: Christina Paino
Cuth23: Tommy Lanza
Ceo21: Kristin Thimpson... put that in your pipe and smoke it
Cuth23: :-)
Cuth23: Wow ... I have a face with that name though
Cuth23: Good one.
Cuth23: Anthony Mignone
Ceo21: Dominic Lombardi
Cuth23: Mike Serrano
Ceo21: Steven Dispenza
Cuth23: Jeannine S.
Ceo21: Rosalia DiMaggio
Cuth23: Maria Manino
Ceo21: obviously
Ceo21: Regina O'Conner
Cuth23: joey fazio
Ceo21: Janine Giordano
Cuth23: TONI
Cuth23: ANN
Cuth23: LOM
Cuth23: BOM
Cuth23: BARDA
Ceo21: Margaret Giordano
Cuth23: Oh cadillac girl
Cuth23: MaryEllen Iacoviello
Ceo21: Rosemarie Rotunda
Cuth23: i can't get a face for her
Cuth23: nicole bian rosa
Ceo21: Doesn't matter.. she exists
Ceo21: short hair
Cuth23: briwn
Cuth23: choppy
Ceo21: yeah
Ceo21: Angela Ruffo
Cuth23: gotcha
Cuth23: Who was the idiot girl she used to hang out with
Cuth23: Ugh
Cuth23: Well, Tabitha Pagan is next anyway
Ceo21: MaryAnne Lentini
Ceo21: that's who you're looking for
Cuth23: That's the one, yup. Thomas Rispoli
Cuth23: So weird how one name triggers a whole bunch of other names
Ceo21: AnnaLisa Bavaro
Cuth23: Dave Fuschetto
Ceo21: Kerri Gonzalez
Ceo21: 3rd grade ... one year
Cuth23: who?
Ceo21: curly hair
Cuth23: your class?
Cuth23: alright bitch
Cuth23: christopher dundero
Ceo21: Christopher Quiznell
Cuth23: nice.
Cuth23: sal montemarano
Ceo21: Melissa Racinia
Cuth23: god dammit
i didn't think you'd get that one
Ceo21: you were saving it
Ceo21: I knew you were
Cuth23: I liked that girl
Ceo21: I know you did.... she was quality
Cuth23: Lori Ann Campolo
Ceo21: ick
Cuth23: giddy up
Cuth23: get on that and win a prize
Ceo21: Anthony Fusco
Cuth23: christ, i should have gotten that one
Cuth23: christina triolo
Cuth23: surprised you didn't say her yet
Cuth23: getting down to very few here
Ceo21: I know I know
Ceo21: Deserae Norris
Ceo21: 5th grade... Miss Brown's class
Ceo21: my dad did her dad's tax return
Cuth23: i thought she was 6th grade, wasn't sure. obviously not.
Cuth23: nice.
Ceo21: hmm
Ceo21: you know...
Cuth23: elizabeth nasso
Ceo21: she might be
Ceo21: I might have to take that one back
Ceo21: no no
Cuth23: you owe me TWO

Ceo21: wait....no
Ceo21: jeez
Cuth23: haha
Ceo21: 2
Cuth23: COUNT 'EM
Ceo21: I may be done...hold on I gotta think
Cuth23: I've got one more in the think tank
Ceo21: shit
Ceo21: I know I don't have 3
Ceo21: lemme try, though
Ceo21: Angelo
Cuth23: Wow, nice.
Ceo21: that's one
Ceo21: yeah
Ceo21: I may be out
Ceo21: I'm out... I don't have 2
Ceo21: who is your other one
Cuth23: I have two now
Cuth23: Remember Little Frank
Ceo21: yeah... I'm done
Cuth23: blonde hair
Ceo21: shit
Cuth23: real tiny
Ceo21: yeah
Cuth23: Tara Modaferri
Ceo21: I went to his bday party at McDonalds
Cuth23: haha
Cuth23: i was there
Ceo21: oh... can't believe I missed that one
Cuth23: and henry yu
Cuth23: couldn't join us
Ceo21: Hen Wing
Cuth23: cause his mother wouldn't let him
Ceo21: haha
Cuth23: he was there by chance and everything
Cuth23: i remember the quote, "My mother says I can't join your birthday party"
Ceo21: I gotta get going... this has been a quality waste of time
Cuth23: I dunno if we're missing anyone
Cuth23: hahaha
Ceo21: we are, no doubt
Cuth23: it has indeed

This is ridiculously amusing... Jeff the Intern told me about it.

http://www.inmusicwetrust.com/articles/images/63/ass_pennies.mp3

Also... we've now hit the low point of Fordham basketball as far as I'm concerned. We lose even when we cheat....

"A long season at Fordham just got a little longer - and a whole lot stranger.
Coach Dereck Whittenburg suspended director of basketball operations Alex Groothuis for two games amid allegations that a team manager used a walkie-talkie to relay plays during the Rams' game with Xavier on Saturday.
According to a story in the Cincinnati Enquirer, a Xavier team manager witnessed a Fordham manager, who was sitting opposite the Rams bench, talking on a walkie-talkie during the first half of the Rams' game with the Musketeers at the Cintas Center. When told by the Xavier manager that NCAA rules forbid any such electronic communication during a game, the Fordham manager returned to the Rams bench before halftime.
Xavier notified game officials of Fordham's alleged misconduct at halftime but they saw no evidence of it the rest of the game. If a referee were to witness a team using an electronic device during a game, it would result in a technical foul. No technical fouls were levied against Fordham.
Like many programs, Xavier's coaching staff uses small erasable boards to call out plays or offensive sets during the game. If Fordham had staff members relaying the plays to its bench, in theory the Rams could have known what play was coming and been able to better defend it.
Xavier, however, won the game, 74-52, as Fordham's record dropped to 4-15 overall and 1-7 in the Atlantic 10's Eastern Conference."

Alright... enough of that. Nothing else interesting at the moment... Lunchtime soon. I've traded in my trademark sandwiches for salads now. In the GM cafeteria, you pay by the pound for your sandwich... $4 per lb. Most people weigh in at like $3. I, of course, routinely weigh in at $4.50 and above... and set the record, which still stands, at $5.38. The key to a record sandwich... big pieces of bread... not for weight, but for stability--to hold all the stuff you have inside. Two large chicken breasts. 3 slices of cheddar. Tomatoes, onions, carrots, mushrooms peppercini, and maybe a pickle or two. mmmm... Now I'm on this salad kick... most of the same ingredients, except for the bread. I'm starving. :)

I've been thinking of creating a website around my book, if and when it gets published. I have six proposals out at literary agencies right now... haven't heard back from anyone yet. I think if I put together a website, and start to create some kind of a brand around what I'm doing, it will make getting speaking engagements easier. Maybe it can be something I possibly leverage into an educational consulting position. I think I have a message that really has some legs... I should write more about it later.

Is this not the best thing you ever heard of? 72 years...

Coney ride has lasted 72 years

By RALPH R. ORTEGA
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Alice and Joe Vandernoot, honored at St. Patrick's yesterday.

Joe Vandernoot stole the heart of his Alice with an outstretched hand nearly 80 years ago - and they have been together ever since.

The couple, who celebrated their 72nd wedding anniversary Friday, met as Joe helped Alice off a ride at Coney Island when her boyfriend looked away for a moment.

"I grabbed her hand to help her, and I never let go," said Vandernoot.

The silver-haired great-grandparents from Larchmont were honored at St. Patrick's Cathedral yesterday as one of New York's longest-married couples.

Edward Cardinal Egan greeted Joe, 95, and Alice, 94, in the middle of Mass, and hundreds of parishioners applauded.

The Vandernoots grew up together in Westchester Square in the Bronx and started dating after Joe showed his chivalrous side at Coney Island.

They married a few years later and had seven children, 22 grandchildren and 15 great-grandchildren.

For years, the retired Wall Street bond trader has treated her to the same plastic rose on Valentine's Day - and plans to stick to the same routine next week.

The couple says faith is the glue that has kept their marriage strong.

"I call her Darling," Joe said.

"I call him Joe," Alice responded.

I'm really jealous of Kristin Nazario's blog... it has all sorts of stuff on it... pictures, links. Mine sucks. My blog is to hers like my mom's blue 2-door, 114-HP '83 Volvo with the back windows that didn't roll down, just vent out (the family car when I was growing up) is to my new black 260 HP 2004 Grand Prix GTP. I love that car. :) I got it washed over the weekend... its all shiny and new.

Monday morning... Again, I have lots of looming stuff to do. I'm not a fan of the looming tasks.. stuff you know you need to do in the next two weeks, but nothing you can do in the immediate moment. Ah well... I took my grandmothers to dinner yesterday for their 86th birthday. Their birthdays are within a week of each other. Funny, I input my information on deathclock.com... and it turns out I die a couple of weeks before my 86th birthday. I think the date was July 11th, 2065. I put it in my Palm Pilot so I knew it was coming. (How bizzare will that be if I manage to keep an unbroken chain of electronic calendars? I'll wake up that morning, at it tells me that, at 9AM, I have a meeting with God.) I wrote a note to a friend a few weeks ago about that....

The online death clock says I'll live until July 11, 2065. That's a Saturday... I kinda figured I'd die on a Saturday. That's not bad... almost made it to 86. I'll probably be still working then... like part time at the Fordham career office or something. Somewhere I can e-mail a lot and go for walks around campus. I'll have a lot of people to e-mail, because I'll probably be working with students by then for almost 50 years. Can you imagine that? Summer in New York in 2065... I wonder if I'll go to a baseball game that summer. Probably. By that time, the Mets new stadium will probably be old by then. Will you still be alive? Will we still stay in touch? Where will you be? I'll bet you they'll muss up your hair when you're dead. You have such great hair, but the curls are just naturally cool and flow with your personality.. I don't think they'll do 'em right. Don't have to worry about that with me... I'm getting cremated and I'm not having a wake... just some kind of party or something. Besides, I'm sure I'll be bald by then.... and I'm def going to keep my ear hair trimmed.

Its one thing to find yourself in a place where you don't really know anyone.  Its another to find yourself in a place where you difinitively dislike a good number of the people around you. 

When I walked out the door tonight, I felt good...  Tony Robbins good.  It was close to 40, and this winter, that's borderline shorts weather.  Things got very cold the moment I walked into the bar party I went to tonight--when my high school girlfriend takes one look at me and turns her back to me to talk to someone else, as I say hello the girl she was just talking to.  Just say hello and smile...   is that too hard to ask for two years of my life?  I never did anything to her to warrent that kind of treatment, and while she may be uncomfortable around me, I can't imagine its more uncomfortable than purposely avoiding someone.  I mean, seriously... how old are we?  Get over it.  I thought maybe I could buy her a drink, to bury the hatchet once and for all.  How silly do I feel now to think that was even a remote possibility.

It turned out to be foreshadowing for the whole night.  This is a group that acknowledges your presence only out of necessity.  I felt like going around to all of these people and reminding them of whatever connected me to them in the first place, and reiterating what should be the normal rules of human being operating behavior.

"Hey, by the way...  do you remember bumping into me in the park when we were both running?  I seem to recall discovering that we worked only a few blocks from each other and exchanging e-mail addresses.  I e-mailed you and asked you if you wanted to do lunch... you never responded.  Would it have killed you to go to lunch?"

"And you...  weren't we in the business student mentoring program together that summer...  the three representatives from our school?  I also seem to remember making dinner for you once to catch up.  Now, you don't even make eye contact."

"And you... you live on my damn street!  YOU came up to ME in the laundrymat once... we talked.  Then, one day you decided that saying hello when you saw me coming back from the gym in the morning was too much effort.  WTF is that?"

"And you...  You're not really in this group, and I don't mind you being here anyway, b/c you're pretty hot and its cool to see you with another chick, but I bought you a slice of pizza in Pugsley's the first time I ever met you and to this day, I feel like I have to reintroduce myself to you everytime I see you.  I think I want that buck fifty back."

Sometimes I wonder if its me and my perspective... that if there's something systematic about the way I've encountered them that makes them seem superficial.  Are they superficial to each other?  Countrast that with Sue Yoo's friends, who are wonderful everytime I meet them.  It doesn't matter if they're new people or not, but they're just so willing to share their good time with the people around them... its a pleasurable experience.  Tonight was far from pleasurable. 

Deirg and I almost got into another argument... this time about some kid cutting into our conversation, and her just leaving me out to dry and letting it happen.  She didn't want to start an argument between us and just left well enough alone...  and this point is sort of at the core of why we fight...  I've never met anyone who handles things so differently than I do.  I can't sit by and let anything go idling by... maybe to my own detriment.  Who knows?  Point is... there are times I'd like to be stood up for that I don't feel like I get from her. There many amzing things she's done for me everyday that we've been friends... but active verbal support... I dunno.. maybe I have outsized expectations.   Still, she's my best friend and I'll always love her.

I don't think there were any lessons learned here...  tonight just sucked.

PS...   Big ups to Linds...    the girl who never gets dressed up looked like a fox tonight.  wooooooo   ;)