Sometimes, I like to think of myself as a badass... at least as badass as an investment analyst can be. I drive a badass car But, admittedly, I have some non-badass fascinations... things I can't help but stop and notice. The last few weeks, its been a voice at DTUT. Like my own personal Enya or Dido, all work comes to a screeching halt when she plays her two songs that combine for under eight minutes, only one of which can be a cover (or so the rules go.) I wonder... people base relationships around looks sometimes... can you base it on voice. What's the audio version of arm candy? Vocal cord candy? I just want her to walk around with me and sing in my ear... She's a voice hottie. That's probably not as badass as my car.

"Every little thing..."

So I got my second review back for the book, and its obvious I need to do some repositioning of the concept. Career counselors are not going to accept, or more importantly, encorporate a book into their program if it comes off as a replacement or replication of what they are already doing--especially not from someone who has a lot more experience than them.

So, if you can't beat them, join them. Basically, I'm going to rewrite it to make it "Make Your Career Counselor's Life Easier From Day One." It will basically have all the same content, but it will be positioned so that its basically meant to prepare you for the regular career education process offerred by a school. The idea is that your career education, like any other education, is all about what you put into it.

The second part of this is that I'm going to try to partner up with a career counselor who might make commentary, introductions--that kind of peripheral content addition that adds credibility, but doens't change my work. So, back to the drawing board.

These photos are from a week and a half ago... Holian came up for the Fordham football game, and coincidently, Brian and Tim, along with their Brooklyn crew came out to the same bar that night. Claire, Suzie, Carlie, and Kathleen came, too. It was more people that I knew at one place than I think I've ever had before.

Ok, so here are some pictures I took from Homecoming... I know it was like over a month ago, but now that I've switched my blog to Typepad, its a lot easier for me to post photos. I'll be more diligent about posting them in real time as soon as I catch up. In addition to hanging out in the parking lot, me, McBride and Liz Werner visited Queens Court, our dorm in freshmen year, to dig up the past. That night, I hung out with Deirg & Co. at the Beer Garden.

So Jeff the Intern says to me today, "I'll bet you Hilary is glad that Bush won, so she can run in 2008."

I just looked at that little map with that huge red section in the middle and said, "Look at this country. Look at how much red there is in the middle. They couldn't get John Kerry elected... there's no way in hell that this country elects Hilary Clinton. No way in hell."

And that gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Go Rudy.

So, kayaking season at the Downtown Boathouse is over, and its quite saddening.  I basically lived there on weekends, spending a good chunk of my Saturdays and Sundays helping people get onto the water, patrolling the embayment, and meeting lots of new people.  I took some trips to the Statue of Liberty, Governor's Island, and up the Hudson to the Intrepid. It was probably the best summer I've ever had. Here are a few pics I took towards the end of the summer. When I get a chance, I'll move these pics from the Graveyard trip over to this site as well. 

When I was at Fordham, I loved walking around that campus... walking around in my world. I got that same feeling at the Boathouse. Everything was within reach, and you could just reach out and touch it--affect your surroundings, connect to other people. I'm struggling to recreate that feeling in my own life. Sometimes, from my apartment, the world just seems so big... I feel very small when I'm in here. I need to get out of here. If Stanford becomes my ticket out, I'll leave early... maybe not actually leave, but take next summer off... just be free to do whatever I want. Should I quit my job and just work on my book? Seems silly... b/c who would buy a career book from someone out of work? I suppose I could ditch Stanford and just go to grad school here... get my MA in Counseling and work for Fordham in the meantime. If I don't make Stanford, I might do that. I don't know. For almost eight years, my job has been the place I wanted to be, and now, I'm not so sure... I know I can do something great, but I don't want to ruin the chances of that by doing anything stupid.

If I could just wake up, work out, counsel students and run programs all day, kayak on the weekends, and play softball once a week, I'd do that for the rest of my life. There are days this weighs on me more than others. I've started not liking Sunday nights... feeling like I should have accomplished more during the weekend and not feeling like I've accomplished enough to start the week.

Your application has been successfully submitted. The next email you receive will be from the MBA Admissions Office, confirming the application round and status of your application. Thank you for using the Stanford Graduate School of Business' online application process.

It is done.

After they lost their third game in the series against the Yanks, I sent this e-mail to Ryan Roy, who is as diehard a Red Sawks fan as they come...

"My condolences. Your boys let you, and everyone else down, big time.

And why the hell can't you get a manager who knows when to take
pictures out and put them in? Mendoza should have been in there for
three innings. It was obviously going to be one of those games, and
if he gives up a couple of runs, so what. He got yanked early, and
that's what opened up the floodgates."

I may have been a bit premature.

Ok, so I'm at DTUT right now and they have rented out the entire back half for a kiddie party. I think the birthday girl is about 1, so she really has no idea who all of these people are. Call me a cynic, but there's no point to throwing birthdays for kids who have no idea what's going on. Its more for the parents then anything.

Watching this whole scene play out has given me a great idea for a business. Someone could make a killing out in front of this place valet parking all of these strollers. First of all, these things have gotten like SUVs. Some of the wheels are basically regular sized car tires and I could swear that one of them had spinner rims.

This woman just asked one of the bus boys how she'd know which one was hers after they took the stroller from her to put it in the basement or something. ?!? Um... how many of them have purple ducks strapped to the side? If she was really that concerned, she'd leave something in it even more recognizable, like her kid. (Holy shit... ELMO JUST WALKED IN. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. ITS REALLY ELMO... IN THE FUZZ...ELMO ROCKS.)

Of course, this kid has no idea who Elmo is and half of the kids are crying now. You know its more for the parents. I hear they're considering Elmo to replace Pierce as the next 007.

Oh, and how is this for sketchy. I'm sitting here last night and this girl starts talking to me. She goes to a local college and she's studying for exams next week. We start chatting and she breaks out with the "Its so hard meeting people in the city." So we talk about all the things we do in our spare time, like her world travel and my kayaking. We trade numbers and I wind up texting her after she leaves. Here's the text conversation...

Me: This uber-style conscious chic just sat down in your seat. She has this ridiculous fuzzy hat and is not nearly as interesting to watch... and yeah, I was definately watching out of the corner of my eye before you spoke up. I'm glad you did. Have a good night.

Her: Uh oh... You better watch out, u know what they say about women w/ fuzzy hats..! It was great to meet u... Perhaps we will meet up soon?!

So I go home, go to sleep, and then I'm back at DTUT the next day...

Me: Definately... what's your real e-mail btw? You're probably working tonight, but if not, you should come out with my roommates and I. I'll be at DTUT all afternoon, but they have a kiddie party here until 2:15, so I can't guarantee a seat.

Her: I work till 2am- blah! Thanks though! I must admit, i have a bf. Perhaps u dont want 2 hang out anymore b/c of that?

WTF?? I'm sorry, but what are you doing trading numbers with guys at cafes and talking about how hard it is to meet people in the city if you have a boyfriend??? That's just bad news... and I don't want to talk to her, but not because she has a boyfriend, but she's obviously walking a very thin line with being honest and upfront. I certainly wouldn't want to be her boyfriend. Now, if she mentioned it upfront and said, "Yeah it would be cool to get our friends together and hang out because we're so close by," I would have been totally ok with that, but that is seriously sketchy. Am I wrong?

"WASHINGTON -- The Bush administration decided Friday that it will impose a quota on sock imports from China -- the latest round of an increasingly bitter trade dispute with Beijing -- showing a willingness to protect American workers ahead of the election.

Trade has become a hot issue on the campaign trail with President Bush, an unrepentant free trader, accusing his Democratic opponent John Kerry of being an "economic isolationist." Mr. Kerry has countered that Mr. Bush has not done enough to protect American workers from unfair foreign competition."

Besides being amused that we might have a sock shortage or that the price of socks might go up (which really effects me because I wear two pairs of socks at a time), I'm TOTALLY confused. Admittedly, the only thing I remember about our trade policy was the steel tariff--and I extrapolated out of that that Bush was the protectionist. Am I wrong here? I know I've heard Kerry bash outsourcing, but I just assumed that Bush was protection minded as Kerry was. If Bush is the free trader, then that's one more point for Bush in my book. Free trade is good. Outsourcing is good. We all benefit in the long run when things get done more cheaply. We can't offord to "protect" American jobs. We need to make America more competitive and make people want to buy American products. If you don't buy American, don't complain when we have to ship jobs oversees. If you don't drive a GM car, don't blame us for closing plants, because if we don't close them, the whole company goes under and lots more people lose their jobs. Its that simple. I think everyone should be forced to take an economics course so that people understand how capitalism and free trade works.
Its just like the flu shot. First, EVERYONE wants it. Then everyone wants it for FREE. On top of that, then they want to be able to SUE the drug companies if you get sick from it, which is a stated risk. And on top of that, people want MORE life saving drugs to hit the market. Someone explain to me how this is supposed to work without tanking the entire publically traded healthcare sector, dragging down all of our retirement money. It just doesn't add up and neither does protectionism.

Well, I just had one of the most bizzare computer experiences I've ever had. First of all, to put it in context, I'm locked out of my home computer at the moment. Somehow, my password got changed, or I forgot it, which is less likely, because I use the same password or variations of it for just about everything. Anyway, if you don't have an administrator set up on it, you're basically fucked. I have one user account set up, and I can't get into it. There are a few freeware fixes for it, but unfortunately, they're located on sketchy sites that the GM internet won't let me one. I suppose I'll have to get Jeff the intern to download me one of these safecracking programs.

Anyway, that's not even the bizzare thing. I'm sitting at DTUT, and all of the sudden, my computer tells me that its going to shut off, and starts counting down from 60. Now, I'm supposed to be working on my Stanford essays, so this isn't exactly the most opportune time for such an event. And of course, the "why don't you try turning it on and off" method (see "EDS manuever" in the dictionary) didn't work. So it just kept shutting off on me. I tried to connect to the internet to wirelessly e-mail myself my essays, but I couldn't do it quick enough. I had to go back to work, swap my CD drive for the floppy, and see if I could copy my files onto a disk before the countdown ran out. Then, I figured, I'd grab Jeff the intern's computer and type it on there. What was bizzare was that, while I was at work, the countdown never started. It sat there fine. So, I tried to figure out what was different about logging on at work vs logging on at DTUT, even if I'm not actually on the network at work. The only difference is that, at DTUT, the wireless card picks up a network and starts doing stuff. So, after copying my files and lugging BOTH laptops to DTUT, I unplugged the card and restarted. It worked fine. Then, I even went as far as to plug it back in after startup, and, well, I'm obviously blogging now so that works. So, for some strange reason, if I start the laptop with the wireless card plugged in around a live network, a 60 second countdown starts on my PC and it shuts off.

WTF?

What the hell kind of malfunction is this? Dude... whoever designed these things was touched in the head. I'll tell you... Open Source can't be any worse than this.

You know what I realized, though? One of my strengths definately has to be my ability to be methodical and keep a cool head in a bad situation. I didn't get frustrated or annoyed. My pulse barely moved up a hiccup when my computer crashed. I calmly thought about what I needed to do, packed up, walked to the subway, and went back to work and did it. No stress, no nothing. Just effeciency. :)

Its all over. The Red Sox have come back from the dead and have finally made it to the Series. As a Met fan, I was more than happy to watch Johnny Damon stick a fork in them with a slam in the second. It was a beautiful thing to watch. The best part about it was that it wasn't even close. It makes the book thing a little easier to swallow... at least my day ended on a high note.

In other news, I'm pretty excited about a meeting I have with someone from GM corporate this Monday. I think they're part of a research and development group, but GM is so large, its hard to get a handle on what anyone is doing. One of my goals over the next year is to streamline our process of leveraging our relationship with the IT guys in the company. Not only that, we should be better leveraging our relationship with the IT folks from other clients that we manage money for, like Delphi and Xerox, as well. Its the kind of think that just needs someone dedicated to it and willing to keep after these guys... the kind if relationship building we do with our own GPs. We have relationships and connections to such a huge group of IT consumers that its a waste of a resource not to know these guys better--especially since GM can be such a difficult organization to get inroads to. That's probably my number one goal over the next year.

That makes me think of a post that someone wrote about what to look for in a VC if you are an entreprenuer at a startup. In this case, I think connections to a large organization should be one of the things that VCs should look for in their LP base. That would make for an interesting post... what to look for in a good LP. I'm sure that VCs and GPs in private equity in general are looking for more than just dumb money. Over the weekend, I think I'm going to put some thoughts down about this, because its something we think about a lot here in terms of what makes us a more attractive LP.

I'm feeling really cruddy about this whole book thing.

Do you know what sucks? This sucks. After sitting with my thumb up my butt for months waiting to hear back from this publisher, the death knell came BY E-MAIL yesterday... I'll intersplice my comments in between.

Dear Charlie,

Attached please find the first of two reviews we have received for Start Strong, Graduate Great. Ordinarily, I don’t forward authors reviews until both are in hand, but since I know you are very eager to move ahead I wanted to get back to you. The second reviewer has not gotten back to us after her son’s spinal accident, and given the potential seriousness of his injury, it’s not really appropriate to nudge her to get back to us as we usually would. I will forward you her review as soon as it

**So, basically they are basing this on one review. Nice. Doesn't Angela Yorio count as a review? She likes the idea.**

The first reviewer likes the idea behind the book, but has some concerns about its execution. Most importantly, she feels the informal tone and your background as a former student rather than a practitioner would discourage most career counseling professionals from using the book. As I tried to explain from the beginning, this professional market would be critical to our ability to publish the project.

**Same B.S. Far be it from young people to have any clue what's best for them. Obviously, you need lots of degrees to know your ass from your elbow.**

The problem, then, is unfortunately not the content, but the marketing and more specifically [publishing company]’s ability to target the potential audience for this book. After reading this first review and discussing the project with marketing, I’m afraid we do not believe that we are the right publisher for your book. We do very few “trade books” in our education program---that is, books geared for a general audience or non-professional audience, and that require significant publicity. Even those few trade books we do publish here are written by academics---it’s part of our identity as a scholarly publisher and what readers and reviewers expect from us. Your book, while on an interesting topic, doesn’t fit that mold. It would require a much different marketing and publicity machine than we have in place for our other books. In other words, the potential readers of your book are not a group we regularly target now, and those same readers wouldn’t think to look to [publishing company] if searching for such a book. Regretfully, then, we have determined that we are unable to pursue publication of Start Strong, Graduate Great.

**Seems like you knew that... oooohh about four months ago! What was this reviewer going to say that would have convinced you that you only want to publish textbooks? If you were waiting on one reviewer to decide whether you'd change your entire business model, I question your ability to run your firm. What a waste of time...**

I would suggest that you instead try contacting “tradier,” rather than scholarly, publishers---check out which publishers have even moderately comparable guidebooks on their list to determine which might be the most appropriate fit. Just so you know, many big-name trade publishers will not accept unsolicited manuscripts. They only accept manuscripts that come through an agent. Finding an agent might be another avenue for you to pursue (granted that’s easier said than done). There’s a reference book called Literary Market Place, which you can find at any college or large public library. It includes listings of publishers (broken down by type and subject area) and agents---this might be one place to research potential agents to submit to. I’ve only worked with one agent for my education books, but I will check with her and see if your project might be of interest to her. One last thought is for you to try a smaller publisher I found called Natavi Guides. They publish a series of college guidebooks called “Students Helping Students,” which at least sounds like it would be a great match with your project. You can check them out at http://www.nataviguides.com/.

**Fuck that. I'm self-publishing. The Literary Market Place just gives people the false hope that anyone besides Dr. Phil and Monica Lewinsky can get a book published. I'll check out the nataviguides thing, though. **

I’m sorry not to be writing with better news, but in the end I do believe our decision is in the best interest of the book—it wouldn’t do your work justice to publish the book and not be able to get it into the hands of its potential readers. I do appreciate you giving us the opportunity to consider your work and hope the reviews will at least prove helpful as you revise. I wish you the best in finding an appropriate publisher---if I can answer any questions or offer any advice as you prepare for your next submission, please feel free to call.

Sincerely,


C. B.
Acquisitions Editor

*********************************************************
You know how I knew that she wasn't interested? I wrote her about my new website, and she didn't even respond. No matter what, a publisher, in my mind, has to take at least a mild interest in the kind of work someone is doing for them to be a right fit. She didn't even respond!!

On a completely unrelated note, I was at the game last night. Not much to say... you all saw it on TV yourselves. Being at the game was exciting, but cold... very very cold. And wet.

While I'd love to see the Sox pull it off, I know what's going to happen here. Miguel Cairo is going to be this year's Aaron Boone/Bucky Dent and end it in the bottom of the 9th on a homer that just clears right field porch.

Playoff quote...

Every time I see Jeff Bagwell, I want to get on my Total Gym. He looks like Chuck Norris."

Of course, I don't know who said the quote, because I'm watching the game on closed caption at DTUT while I write my Stanford Essays.

I was just IMing Anne and she wrote, regarding the impending jump to grad school...

Besublime5: plus, you have savings
BeSublime5: after working 3 years
BeSublime5: it's goin broke that's the salt in the wound

To which I replied:

Ceo21: Dude... I'm loaning this sucker out
Ceo21: I'm not tapping my equity
Ceo21: Its an MBO of myself.

I love that concept. Grad school is like a management buyout of yourself, using a lot of leverage. haha

In fact, it gives me a bit of inspiration around the theme of my new blog when I move from Blogger to Typepad.

I think I need to get out of here... at least, for a little while.

I remember a conversation I had with a Jesuit scholastic on one of my Emmaus retreat. He had dated before he became a priest, worked at a job in the legal profession, but he realized he needed a change. As he put it, he just realized that "If something was going to happen with all that, it would have happened already," meaning job, family, house, etc.

I think I need to leave NYC for a while... to shake loose some friends I keep going back to for who knows what reason, and to test some friendships to see if they can withstand a dramatic scene change. I want to know who follows me with calls and visits. There are some people that may choose to come along, but I can't wait up for anyone. What I am going to do is going to be a positive influence on the world around me... and I can't force it on people who don't want to be a part of it.

My boss and I talked today, because I needed his recommendation for the application, and that opened up a whole pandora's box of issues related to my place in the firm. He said something interesting to me. He told me that he thought I had plans that were greater than what I could do there. Going into the conversation, I felt like maybe there were things above me that I couldn't get to... I didn't expect him to turn the tables on me and tell me that there weren't enough things I could do there to be as great as I could be.

When I was a Regis freshmen, I got intimidated by my surroundings, because no one told me what I had the potential to accomplish. I learned that lesson late, and tried to make up for it at Fordham.

In the last day or so, I've found clarity of vision. I understand now how Stanford fits into my life... because its the best and biggest thing I have the potential to do right now, and I shouldn't be shooting for anything less than that. I don't want to look back on my life over the next few years and think I left anything on the table. Let's see how far this can go. I want to let it ride.

This is going to be big. I can feel it.

So I definately just stole a towel from the gym this morning. I've never done that before. It was in my hand and I just walked out with it. I didn't notice it until I wiped the sweat from my forehead about halfway home and realized that I've never been able to do that. :)

Anyway, so I had a random run in with someone I knew in high school yesterday and it got me thinking. Its really interesting when you are younger that you get into accepted modes of thinking about certain people... people who were out of your group, or in your group but then seperated. You fall in with a certain crowd and inevitably, their ideas about certain people become generally accepted thinking. Later on, sometimes you are lucky enough to cross paths later in life and realize that these were pretty decent people after all... of course you realize this after you figure out that the crowd you may have been in wasn't all you thought it was cracked up to be either. Its a lesson I've experienced several times and I need to do a better job of remembering it. Just because they are your girlfriend's best friend or rooomate, doesn't make them your friend, too. Just because the crowd your in parts ways with someone, doesn't mean they aren't worth keeping around in your own life. Be very careful to judge people by association, because perspective can skew things in odd ways.

Its funny. When I ran into this girl, Lauren, she asked who I still hung out with. Its been over a year since I've seen or heard from Dena, and having this genuinely pleasant run-in with this girl just made me wonder whether I need to be more discerning about who I invest time with in my life.

Site up for good. :) Post away.