Top 10 Signs You Own a Car in New York City
- You can drive down the block looking for a spot at 50 miles an hour, because the location of every fire hydrant and driveway in a 20 square block radius is hardwired into your brain.
- You act like little nicks and dents in your bumper don't bother you, but they secretly tear at your soul.
- You can hear the difference between the sound of a car door closing in an empty car versus one with people in it...from three blocks away.
- Your car has an alarm, but you have no idea what it sounds like, because you are never parked on your own street.
- You believe there are too many fire hydrants in your neighborhood, and you would gladly trade off the chance of getting out of your house alive in a fire for a few extra spots.
- Empty parking spaces look suspicious to you, especially if you've been driving around for less than ten minutes. You approach them with caution.
- You tell out of town guests to stop at your house or apartment first, so you can come down and drive around with them looking for a spot. After the third time they slow down for a hydrant, you reach across, open their door, push them out of the moving car, and take over. You are parked 4 minutes and 3 miles later.
- You look for jobs with hours that fit your alternate side of the street parking schedule.
- You are not Jewish, but you know all the holidays.
- You could park an Impala in a thimble if you really needed to.