.Definition of serendipity:

Its 7:40AM and you've conceded that you won't find a spot on the right side of the streat after 20 post gym minutes of aimlessly traversing the Upper East Side.  So, accepting the fact that you'll now have to take the car over to Queens, because you won't be getting home early enough for Early Bird garage specials, you drive home, only to find a spot two doors down from your apartment.

Faaaantastic.

Its nice to be checked in on from across the globe.  Makes me feel special.  :)

Anyway, so I was a detainee over the weekend, not in Guantanomo, but in the Hudson River and the Marina at Battery Park.   So, we were supposed to kayak to Governor's Island on Saturday morning, and we were going to have an opportunity to get out and have lunch there.   Well, we get out of the embayment at Pier 26 about 200 yards and here comes the Coast Guard in one of their little orange patrol boats.  First, they told us to hug the seawall, and then a second CG boat tells us to stop.  Taino and Harry went up to them and handed over their IDs to try to negotiate.  Keep in mind, the whole time the current is taking us out to the harbor at a 4 knot clip.  Eventually, we had to start backpaddling just to stay in the same spot, about a 100 yards off the south cove at Battery Park.  After about 45 minutes of just sitting in the water doing nothing, we were instructed to head back upstream (against the current) and go into the Marina.  The Marina is on the seaside of the Winter Garden next to the World Trade Center site.  We wound up having to sit by these two docks in the corner for like an hour.  It looked like Fisherman's Wharf in San Fran, except replace the seals with kayakers eating their lunch and snacks.  Finally, they told us we weren't going to be let across and we just headed upstream back to the boathouse.  Two hours of paddling, and about a total of 1 mile actually travelled.  It was still a good time...  bizarre, but a good time nonetheless.  I learned that exactly 89 Baby Goldfish make a serving.

I have been so overwhelmed at work, its ridiculous. When you work in an environment where things just need to get done, yet there isn't generally a lot of strict assignment as to who is supposed to get them done, you tend to get the short end of the stick if you are the type of person who won't let balls drop. Some people are fine to walk out before questions are answered, things are taken care of, etc. I'm not one of those people.

I'll tell you one thing, I'm glad to have Jeff the Intern around, that's for sure. Its like having a tree chipper in my office. Stuff comes in that I don't have time for and I just shove it to his side and listen to that immediate "neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr" sound as he works. Good stuff.

Lately, I've been quite the flake when it comes to these sorts of things. Pursuing stuff, then pulling back. Being indecisive. Rethinking stuff from the past, and contradicting myself as well. One person I'll knock for being too aggressive and someone else I'll knock for their own passiveness. What's going on here? What am I even looking for?

It definitely reinforces the notion that the search for others is really a search for self, because the times in my life where I've been most clear about what I've wanted, are also the times in which I experienced the most personal clarity. In the last six months, personal clarity has been muddied by potential moves, a floundering book, new work responsibility, monitoring programs, family stuff, etc... and thus I've been rather flakey to people personally. Its not an excuse. I'm just pointing out the causal relationship, or what seems to be the cause.

At most issue is what level of commitment, and just really participation I want from someone else. First off, I'm generally not someone who has a lot of free time in general, so its easy to say I just want someone informal, casual, etc. But, to be honest, now I think that sometimes casual stuff takes more time than serious stuff, because casual stuff always seems to imply more than one person. Its a mirage that casual is easier, I think, because that never seems to be the case. Plus, you need to spend that much more time convincing someone you're not just using them, because they are not backstopped by some formal relationship.

Also at issue is how I want the other person reacting to me. On one hand, I think it would be hard for me to deal with the pressure of someone pursuing me hard, asking for all sorts of time. On the other hand, I do feel like I deserve someone who at least asks. Aren't I good enough to create a need in someone else to see me all the time? Who wants someone that acts as if they can take you or leave you? Sure, that's convenient from a life management perspective, because you know you can cancel on them, move them around, etc... but is love the kind of thing you want to be so convenient? I think its a lot like getting median venture capital GPs. If you're going to be in it, you want top quartile, otherwise its not worth it.

Part of it has to do with the idea of chemistry vs. criteria. I'd be interested if people had comments here. Think of it the spectrum as, on one end, you meet someone and before you know it, you're smooching away and lots of things are happening. You're laughing and being cute, and as far as you can tell, you've really hit it off with someone, without really knowing a lot of the details of someone's life. On the other hand, you meet someone and really invest the time to get to know them before anything happens. You learn to appreciate what kind of a person they are, if you share the same values, etc, before you discern whether or not you have a match. Which one is more true? Does chemistry exist, or is it just lust based on perception that may not actually be truth? Or, is getting the details of someone's life a cold, logical way to arrive at something that should be based on gut feeling and emotion? Do you fall for someone with your heart or with your head?

Oh, and I just learned there is a Blog spellcheck. Nice... now you'll all think I'm smaart.

Lastly... here's the last GM Softball news:

Miracle Motors Down, but Not Out, After Skid Reaches Three

After eight games, General Motors was sitting pretty at 6-2, only a game out of first place. After a 2-10 season, the team started looking at the standings, and counting down to the playoffs.

Three heartbreaking losses later, capped off by a 6-4 loss last night to Metro 53, GM should be completely out of the hunt. However, the Northern Division has completely collapsed over the past four weeks, and GM finds itself with a glimmer of hope. Four teams have clinched the six playoff spots, and another six teams are vying for the last two. For GM to get in, the Law Sox need to lose at least two of their last four games, which will be mostly rainout makeups. In addition, two of White Case, Oz Capital, and the Clinchers have to lose their final games.

Of course, for all this to work out GM needs to actually win its final game and stop the second half slump. After scoring a total of seven runs in its last two games, one thing that will have to happen is for the bats to wake up. Mike D'Annunzio scored the team's first run again early on, but the offense would slow to a crawl until late. Ted Feury kept GM in the game, holding Metro to four in five, and John Cross notched a scoreless sixth. Strong defense by third baseman Mark Attanasio and Gold Glove first baseman John Stevens also helped. GM got a step closer when Charlie O'Donnell scored in the fifth on an Alexis Kramer sac fly, making it 4-3. In the sixth, Sam Pollotta launched a huge RBI triple to tie the game up, but that would be the end of the GM scoring. Metro 53 pushed two runs across the board, one on a monster blast to left center, which was that Metro hitter's second time going yard.

In their last at bat, GM failed to replicate its early season last inning heroics, and failed to score. They will attempt to finish the season strong on 8/19, and all they can do in the meantime is hope for the misfortune of others.

OK... so PS, I just went to go post this and it had timed out, and I almost thought I lost the whole thing. I would have been REALLY pissed and probably never blogged again. You guys came really close to losing me.

I now have an XM radio in my office.... courtesy of Jeff Reals, who won it in a GMAM office pool.  Dave Brubeck's Take Five: Pure Genius.

"A cache of recently obtained information -- including hundreds of photos, drawings and written documents -- indicates that al Qaeda operatives have undertaken meticulous preparations to case the five specific buildings." - WSJ

I'm sorry, but if I see ANYONE of ANY ETHNICITY taking hundreds of photos of the Citigroup building, I think I might stop to ask them what they're up to.  Its just like the story about the terrorists being at the WTC a day or two before with a GPS finder.  This is the kind of suspicious stuff that people need to be asking about.