When I was at Fordham, I loved walking around that campus... walking around in my world. I got that same feeling at the Boathouse. Everything was within reach, and you could just reach out and touch it--affect your surroundings, connect to other people. I'm struggling to recreate that feeling in my own life. Sometimes, from my apartment, the world just seems so big... I feel very small when I'm in here. I need to get out of here. If Stanford becomes my ticket out, I'll leave early... maybe not actually leave, but take next summer off... just be free to do whatever I want. Should I quit my job and just work on my book? Seems silly... b/c who would buy a career book from someone out of work? I suppose I could ditch Stanford and just go to grad school here... get my MA in Counseling and work for Fordham in the meantime. If I don't make Stanford, I might do that. I don't know. For almost eight years, my job has been the place I wanted to be, and now, I'm not so sure... I know I can do something great, but I don't want to ruin the chances of that by doing anything stupid.

If I could just wake up, work out, counsel students and run programs all day, kayak on the weekends, and play softball once a week, I'd do that for the rest of my life. There are days this weighs on me more than others. I've started not liking Sunday nights... feeling like I should have accomplished more during the weekend and not feeling like I've accomplished enough to start the week.