I think I need to get out of here... at least, for a little while.
I remember a conversation I had with a Jesuit scholastic on one of my Emmaus retreat. He had dated before he became a priest, worked at a job in the legal profession, but he realized he needed a change. As he put it, he just realized that "If something was going to happen with all that, it would have happened already," meaning job, family, house, etc.
I think I need to leave NYC for a while... to shake loose some friends I keep going back to for who knows what reason, and to test some friendships to see if they can withstand a dramatic scene change. I want to know who follows me with calls and visits. There are some people that may choose to come along, but I can't wait up for anyone. What I am going to do is going to be a positive influence on the world around me... and I can't force it on people who don't want to be a part of it.
My boss and I talked today, because I needed his recommendation for the application, and that opened up a whole pandora's box of issues related to my place in the firm. He said something interesting to me. He told me that he thought I had plans that were greater than what I could do there. Going into the conversation, I felt like maybe there were things above me that I couldn't get to... I didn't expect him to turn the tables on me and tell me that there weren't enough things I could do there to be as great as I could be.
When I was a Regis freshmen, I got intimidated by my surroundings, because no one told me what I had the potential to accomplish. I learned that lesson late, and tried to make up for it at Fordham.
In the last day or so, I've found clarity of vision. I understand now how Stanford fits into my life... because its the best and biggest thing I have the potential to do right now, and I shouldn't be shooting for anything less than that. I don't want to look back on my life over the next few years and think I left anything on the table. Let's see how far this can go. I want to let it ride.
This is going to be big. I can feel it.